Happy Father's Day Abba

What follows are a couple of my journal pages devoted to unpacking who my Abba really is!!  I want to dedicate this post to two great Dads in my family:  G-Daddy (aka., Bill Slattery) and Chris Otts.  I love you guys so much – and I will dearly miss you and your family, Chris, as you set out on an adventure with God to Wheaton.  May the Lord bless and keep you all in the very center of His will and purposes for the Ott’s Boys (and of course their precious Momma Christie!!)

Who is my DADDY?  He is warm and kind and powerful and gentle.  He is undistracted, patient, timeless, interested, concerned.  He is wise, always right, always truthful, selfless.  He is a Giver – delights to give, cheerfully gives, and gives, and gives…  He knows how to get to the hurting places, the deepest needs to pour in healing, Gilead balm,  oil of gladness.  He loves to just cuddle – He doesn’t view it as a waste of time.  He loves everything about children – their sticky fingers, toothless grins, wiggles, velvet heads next to His cheek, their playfulness, their wonder, their artistic expressions (silly songs, pictures, explanations), their tiny hands reaching up, tracing features on His face, their sparkling eyes, their tired bodies giving in to sleep in His arms.  He loves to laugh with His children, to tell them stories, to take them on adventures.  He never tires of carrying them everywhere.  He is proud of them – they are His – each His personal favorite. 

 

He has special rituals tailored to each individual child – special love language, knowledge He acts upon to particularly delight His little ones.  He kisses away tears like a Mom who can make any injury better with her lips.  He loves to celebrate, to feed His child and enjoys providing nourishment for the whole person.  He loves to share His heart, His affection, His wealth, His life, His home with them.  He loves to build His children up, to empower and enable them to do what otherwise is impossible, and then clap over them, and rejoice with them over victory won.  

He cloaks Himself in mystery and yet in His arms I’m ever safe.  He is big, REALLY BIG, and yet I never feel lost on His lap – I am right next to His heart there and His arms wrap around me in a perfect fit.  I hear from this place His heart beating, the inner workings of His body, and best of all His small voice (its loving tone, well-chosen volume to every situation, and choice of words honey sweet).  That voice that spoke into being worlds, universes…that voice that tells me who I am and who I forever belong to.  He makes Himself just right for a relationship with one so small and totally in need.  He lovingly lowers Himself in every way because He enjoys doing it.  He stoops to pick up, bends to kiss, makes of Himself a divine cradle, a tree to climb, a horsey to ride upon, a bird to fly upon, a chariot to transport.  He takes form though formless so we can receive the love and joy of His infinite heart supply.

He makes all things new and all things right.  He knows at all times just what to do.  He defends me, shields me, surrounds me.  He sings over me, dances over me, and with me.  He accompanies me everywhere and at all times.  He adores me.  And I love Him because He first, and forever, has and will love me!!!

Abiding in Abba’s Breath and Shadow,

Terry



For more inspirational reading, please visit Spiritual Sundays at the following link:  http://www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com/

Paradise Remembered

Beautiful Breanna

In the past two weeks I’ve enjoyed as many weddings.  This evening my son and I drove only a few miles to a neighboring “homeplace” on the Brazos River.  It felt as though we had traveled far from home for great oaks astir with winged violinists towered above us, the hills rolled and horses ran for joy in the bordering pasture down to river’s edge.  Their streaming tails like banners proclaimed bliss!  The bride and groom married beneath a stately tree, their faces shimmering in sunset glow.  A warm breeze teased leaves into joining locust in the bridal chorus.  Declarations of the couple’s love for Jesus came first; His presence gloriously palpable in the night air.  Communion with Him in this open air chapel set the stage for an evening of enjoying divine romance!!

After the couple exchanged their vows we descended into yet another grove of trees encircling a fairytale reception.  God shared His pleasure in the wind as He carried scents of heaven, rearranged draped cloths into gorgeous folds, and blew on the strings of lights twinkling between the trees.  A grasshopper couldn’t resist the netting on the flower girl’s dress playing inside the layers until I exposed him.  Bridesmaids, barefoot in teal dresses, carried lacy hydrangeas and each wore a silk butterfly on her finger.  Every woman present bloomed.  There were age-old windows and a lacy metal screen framing engagement pictures.  Rocks served as tags with messages written on their surfaces, and empty frames left room for imagination to fill them depending on the angle of the viewer.  I thought to myself repeatedly, some experiences in life are simply delicious!!

A striking pair of chocolate blue cowboy boots on a brown sugared tray, in truth the groom’s cake, stood atop a table near a white terraced hillside blooming turquoise – in truth the bride’s cake.  Laughter, sway of trees, lemonade splashing inside my cup – these were some of the sounds contributing to my happiness this night.  Behind them all He stood splendid, my LOVE, my GROOM!!  I virtually surprised myself by how comfortable I felt, how at home and content.  Turning to my son I said, “I’m really a country girl, did you know it?”  He looked at me, head half-cocked, grinned, and drawled, “What do you mean, Mom?”  I couldn’t find words for the communion I was enjoying in that place with the Lover of my soul over a cup of lemonade.  There, under the trees, my Lord courted and found pleasure in me and the two of us together took in the simple beauty of all surrounding us.  Twenty years widowed, sometimes when alone with God in a crowd He draws me so close to make known how deeply in love He is with me.  It is this experience of Him that I’m endeavoring to breathe out onto the page for your enjoyment.

I’ve come to better appreciate that I’m indeed a country girl!  Paradise memory tells me so.   For in the country where I’m from there are cottage mansions with tin roofs and stone walls tucked back into groves of singing trees on milk and honey acres that slope verdant down to the River of Life.  In this place so reminiscent of home, God kept company with me for a few hours, and I felt more alive and more myself than can be told.  Night crept into the valley of love, and all the guests formed a living aisle filled with shimmering bubbles for the newlyweds to depart through.  They headed for their blue mustang where God waited to whisk them both off into the beautiful land of man and wife.

 

Charlcie, (Jaxon in utero), BJ, me, and Matt

 

Overshadowed by Him,

Terry




For more inspirational reading please visit Spiritual Sundays at http://bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

Take Flight!

Last weekend I spent a couple of nights with my daughter.  We slept together in her second story room which seemingly opens out on a bird sanctuary.  From this level, all one sees are sky and tree branches bobbing under the weight of visiting birds.  And the “music” that one wakes to in the morning – well, it takes me back to camping trips, to opening dream-fogged eyes in a room with fabric walls.  In that room, little separates you from the early morning praise and conversation of birds (and beasts)!!

That first morning I woke early to the neighbor’s yapping dog, who felt it his duty to sound the alarm to all neighborhood dogs.   In turn, the sleeping parakeet on the ledge of Lori’s picture window came alive and joined in the chorus.  My daughter, accustomed to this morning anthem, dreamed on.  I, on the other hand, lay there thinking, thinking and observing the little green bird beginning her day as usual.  I watched while Bonnie hopped perch to perch inside her cage singing, and breaking only for a quick peck at the seeds placed for her in a tiny cup.  At times she flew to the rim of her opened cage and stared at the birds playing tag in the trees.  Then she hopped back down in her cage and attended to preening, eating, or singing.  I thought to myself, she prefers life inside a cage – predictable, safe, her own private glassed in box seat with a view of all the action outdoors.

When my daughter stirred, I asked if she could move Bonnie into the adjoining bathroom so we could catch a few more winks.  When she rose to do so and approached the cage, Bonnie panicked.  She beat her wings frantically, exiting the cage and landing on the metal frame of the window.  Hurriedly, we turned off the ceiling fan.  Endeavoring to steer Bonnie to safety, my daughter motioned her towards the bathroom.  Bonnie would have nothing to do with that idea.  Searching desperately for refuge, Bonnie flew back into the cage and welcomed the replacement of the lid on her cage.  All, including Bonnie, breathed a sigh of relief (for birds and girls alike fear the possibility of a bird getting tangled in tresses!)

Once settled back into bed, my daughter told me that for months Bonnie ventured only to the rim of her cage even though there was no ceiling to it.  To this day, her flight lacks grace and fluidity.  Although born to fly, she flies instinctively only as a means of escape from potential danger.  She does not “yet” associate joy and unbound freedom with taking to the air.  This raised a couple of questions in my mind.   Do I, like Bonnie, choose to perch on the rim of an open cage though made to fly free?  Do I realize the ramifications of God releasing me, opening the realm of the air to me?  Am I practicing graceful flight?  For effective flight does take practice and faith to leave the cage behind!!!

Still Learning to Fly In His Shadow,

Terry 






For more inspirational reading, visit Spiritual Sundays at http://bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

Sarah's Holy Place

Preface:  This was written the morning after Al Joslin proposed to Sarah Eyth.  To those who know them, their love story speaks volumes regarding the goodness and faithfulness of God.  Sarah has deeply impacted my life with her young (yet old soul) love for Jesus!!  She is a mighty worshiper of the King.  Al, you’ve a fiery woman of God to love all your days.  Be blessed in her love, and moreover may both of you be blessed beyond telling by Jesus as you unite your hearts and lives for His glory and pleasure (and thus your own)!!  Looking forward, along with you, to October 1, 2011.

 Sarah's Holy Place

A tattered banner waves from tree o’erhead

inviting me to revisit this holy place.

Here Sarah oft came dying,

dying to believe she was truly loved.

Here she met Father and wept in His arms.

Here she poured perfume on Savior feet.

Here ‘neath this tree she tabernacled,

and learned who she was: God’s dove,

one made worthy, one made to be loved.

Here she worshiped.  Here she prayed. 

Here she pined, faith undaunted,

for her Lord had promised.

Still, in her want, she died a thousand deaths,

becoming more and more alive,

set apart, irresistible!!

Here victory was won,

death of a marital dream undone.

Here, Jesus cried, “It is finished.  It is done.”

Here, the bride’s price was paid, and pledge made.

Like dazzling lake in afternoon sun

a covenant ring now sparkles.

Two shall become one.

 

Under this tree a tent open to God was raised.

Curtains hung sunset drenched,

candles flamed passionate,

bracelets on ribbons sang in Spirit wind.

Here Al proposed to Sarah,

proclaimed undying love on bended knee

Everything about it pointed back to A Blood-Stained Tree.

Tree on which Savior hung, bended knee, nailed feet,

pledging love undying, rising to claim His Bride.

As the veil was rent so many years ago,

so this tabernacle on Calvary beach

opened to admit and emit heaven’s glow.

Al surprised Sarah in every way

as will The Groom His Bride someday,

when clouds shall part and The Lord descend

sweeping her up to be forever with Him.

Beautiful Bride In Waiting!!  Congratulations!!!!!!!!

 

Rejoicing In His Shadow With Them,

Terry

For more inspirational reading visit Spiritual Sundays: http://www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com/

Wrinkles

This afternoon I peered into the mirror

and beheld her aged face.

With trembling hand I added contour of rose and ovals of gray.

Out popped lips and eyes from fleshy terrain.

I studied the tawny floor upon which time had waltzed in glass slippers, 

leaving memories of the dance.

Worry and fret had marched there too,

side by side in combat boots,

adding depressions and ridges like exposed tree roots.

Smiling Back At My Designer

Below her face

a grand staircase,

with runner laid beautifully in the folds,

met small mound of chin covered in fine scrawl.

There, written with care, by Ancient of Days,

her design, blueprint of God, coming clear with years.

Radiating from her mouth like rays of sun, delicate lines recalled laughter, and millions of expressions besides.

His Glory On My Face

Oh the valleys, how splendid,

furrows made by Lover’s touch

tracing features, knowing her, wiping tears!

I’m thankful Lord for fifty-two years,

for exquisite carvings upon my face

attesting to Your amazing grace.

Sonnets You’ve written and mine in reply

character emerging ‘round mouth and eye.

What a blessing to grow old with You,

live, wrinkle, and die!

Seeing Him In The Shadows On My Face,

Terry

For more inspirational reading visit Spiritual Sundays:  http://www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com/

Eve at the Arboretum: A Gratitude List

I'm grateful for:
* evening song

* dove coo

* wrinkles of earth, weathered 

  wood

* petunia perfume

* billowing skirt

* water seeking depth

* sagging cedar with willowy 

  arms

* garden tent

* scampering feet

* ravines

* lemon balm surprise

* foot bridges

* flower veins

* magnolia bloom

* spongy foot path – cedar floor

* ringed stump on trail’s edge

* interruption in flow – rapids 

  born 

* cardinal chase through

  myrtles

* grandmother strolling with

  curious boy asking, "why?" a

  hundred times 

* gas lanterns beginning to 

  shine

* arboretum sunset

* oleander blooms floating on 

  breeze

* wisteria bower

* mimosa fringe

* neon lights as another day

  vanishes

* God’s sketches with soft 

  fuzzed edges

* porch light on

* lavender wreath on paneled

  door

* line of a song, “eternal balm

  for ancient wounds”

* breath through flute

* moon glow on tin roof 

Thanking God for Garden Visit,

Terry

For more inspirational reading visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

Truth In Place of Lies

The following are a few truths God spoke to me when I needed most to hear them again from His lips:
* I love you, Terry.  My love is not performance based.  It never has been nor will be.
* I grieve when you struggle.  I long for you to draw near to me, to permit Me to comfort you like a mother her hurting child.
* My patience is infinite.  I also know end from beginning.  I complete what I begin in my sons and daughters.  I don't employ the methods of man, ie.,  emotional manipulation, control, blackmail.  My methods are love, peace, quiet wooing (not the "silent treatment"), allowing room for response from your heart, not robotic behavior which I of My own will generate.  I allow free will -- it is a mystery.  But in that space, I wait, ever hopeful, smiling -- secure in Our relationship.  I don't vacillate with your inconsistency. You do not have to play games, Terry, trying so hard to make up for failure in your strength, for it leads you to feel I'm impossible to please, a tough taskmaster.  This is so far from the truth.  I'm PERFECT PAPA, remember!!

Enjoying Truth in the Shadow,

Terry

Announcing Worship In The Shadow

Please visit www.worshipintheshadow.blogspot.com, companion blog to Safe In The Shadow.  Worship videos associated with recent posts will remain on this site.  Otherwise, my plan is to eventually link older posts with accompanying videos on Worship in The Shadow.  You may also want to visit on occasion to connect with God purely through music, rather than spending time reading, in which case Worship In The Shadow is the place to be!!  Your patience with "construction" is appreciated as are your comments.

Easter From His Perspective

It just now occurred to me my thighs are taut as a bowstring because of a little experiment I engaged in last night.  Inspired by a story recounted by Ann Voskamp, in One Thousand Gifts, I took a tour of my home on bended knee!!  I’ll preface telling you about my tour by first telling you about Ann’s story.  Her three year old asked to borrow her camera one day and happily skipped through the house laughing and snapping one picture after another.  Delighted, she returned to her Mom and said, “Can you show them back to me now?”  Her enchanting photos took Ann by surprise.  Everyday objects looked larger than life from her daughter’s vantage point. 

Glory Shine

Open My Eyes, Lord!

                    

Be Thou My Vision

This week I purposed to gain afresh God’s perspective on Easter.  While doing so, I realized that typically I seek His view “from above”.  I want to soar on wings like eagles, looking below to gain “big picture” understanding.  This seems to me the place of victorious living.  God on the other hand often desires to bless me with the view of a little child looking up!!  He understands awe-struck wonder (or tired indifference) depends largely on vantage point.  For this reason and to illustrate His point, God prompted me to bend low, camera to eye, snapping from new-fangled angles common objects and scenes in my home.   After doing so, He gently pulled me up into His great lap and offered to “show them back to me!!”  Some of the literal images are sprinkled throughout this post.  God built on this experience in a variety of ways, reinforcing that I need only to look up and receive with open hands all He has to give to me.  I need not worry about controlling anything in life, about understanding life’s complexities, for clutching reins or purse strings prohibits opening receptive hands to His gracious supply of all I need

.

Eyes of a Child

He is The Door

In retrospect, God packed the week leading up to Easter with lessons on perspective and vantage point.  He spoke to me as I watched two birds flying like friends side by side over green and amber fields.  He spoke and I heard, “Peace, be still,” through the picture He gave of the two of Us scouting (employment) fields for Us to harvest together.  He spoke to me concerning His mercy that endures forever, stooping to save and to serve.  His mercy in stark contrast to my not-so-merciful heart attitude, helped me bow lower to wait upon patients summoning me to their bedside repeatedly, affording me opportunity to exude His mercy.  And when I failed, His mercy covered me over and over and over.

Late this afternoon while driving on the access in a busy section of road under construction, I scanned for the entrance ramp to I-35 North.  I happened to look to my right and noticed three occupied crosses and a woman in biblical dress looking up in an attitude of worship.  I did a double-take as I drove past at 40 mph, wondering if these were mannequins or actors.  To come upon this scene staged on a major 21^st century highway in the blazing sun got my attention.  So much so, that I looped back around as soon as I could for another look (and perhaps a picture).  Just as I drew near the men climbed down from their crosses and put on contemporary clothing.  Several thoughts ran through my mind:  my Lord timed my passage this afternoon that I might “see Him” from this vantage point – dying for all the world to know His love for them.  At the same time I thought about the traffic moving swiftly by, and about the fact that Jesus no longer hangs upon a cross, but still offers life there to all who take up their cross and follow Him.

Candle in the Snow

All in all, I believe God granted me “His perspective” this Good Friday on dying in order to truly love and live, on bending low to see great and mighty things.  Lord, bless me with the eyes of a child looking up in wonder, for to such the kingdom belongs!!  

  

Eyes Raised in the Shadow,

Terry

For more inspirational reading visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

GOOD Friday

To See Him Is To Love Him

Good Friday for me began with a bridal shower.  My daughter and I attended together and afterwards ran a couple of errands.  Then we went to an interactive prayer room where we visited the stations of the cross.  Stepping into the darkened building on a sun drenched day dilated my heart immediately.  From the Garden of Gethsemane I traveled a dusty path to a tight room filled with the voices of a throng gone mad, “Crucify Him!!”  The same message, hatefully etched blood red on a ragged piece of cardboard hung on the wall.   It was difficult to breathe as I imagined the crowd pressing in like a pack of pit bulls, bloodthirsty.  Then as directed, I listened and in and among the crowd I heard my own voice.  Sobered, I moved on and contemplated Jesus’ appearance before Pilate.  With every step toward the cross, I heard Jesus say resolutely, “Thy will be done, Father!!”  Only a few of the horrors He endured were depicted in words and symbols on the walls leading to the next station.  At this point my eyes painfully viewed the passion on screen, my Perfect Lord tortured mercilessly beyond recognition and then nailed to a blood-soaked cross.  Tears began to flow!!  To the left of this station a tangle of chicken wire hung from ceiling to floor, as though writhing in agony, mangled and twisted tendrils laying razor sharp upon the floor.  I meditated on a few of man’s sins scrawled in red and affixed to this vivid reminder of God’s mercy in delivering men from all that entangles, ensnares, and destroys him.  Moving again to my left I entered a candlelit room through a torn veil, the way opened for me to experience intimate communion with my Lord.  I took the cup and the bread and sat down at the foot of the cross.  Then I looked through the “torn veil” to my right and saw the tangle of wire framed like a bittersweet memory in the opening.  An indescribable wave of love and gratitude came over me.  Thank You, Sweet, Sweet Jesus, for the cross!!!!!

What a Joy to Be His!!

My daughter and I both left the building tears drying salty upon our cheeks in the afternoon sun.  Twenty minutes in a darkened room, the love of our Savior wrapped tight about us, we departed blissfully engaged brides, showered with grace by the One come to save us!!

Blessed In the Shadow of the Cross,

Terry




For more inspirational reading, visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

Finishing Well!!

If you interviewed my three children, they probably would report hearing me say repeatedly, “Finish well!” or “Stay the course.”  Over the years the phrase has taken different forms:  “I’m so proud of you for finishing well!” or “I encourage you to finish well what you’ve started.”  Somehow this commendation often finds its way into my conversations.  The phrase literally wells up in me.  I tend to believe the Spirit whispers it, for the Lord deeply desires to reward and bless His children now and forever.  While His love flows free and continuous no matter behavior, His rewards express pride in our obedience and gratitude for returned love.   Obedience unleashes heaven on earth, His life, HIS JOY TO US AND OTHERS in the process, now and throughout eternity!!

This morning I heard the commendation both within and from the pulpit, “Finish well!”  “Stay on track.”  Immediately a recent event came to mind.  One night as I hurriedly prepared to leave for work, I responded to my son’s summons to the garage, “Mom, come look at this!”  He explained that he had pulled into the driveway as usual, pushed the automatic garage door opener and watched as the door jumped off the track.  I gazed in disappointment at the door hanging crooked by a few wheels knowing a call to Overhead Door was in order.  I could have done without the unforeseen expense, but suspected God probably had a lesson hidden in it.  As a wise investor, He never misses opportunities to capitalize on what little we spend (and it’s all His anyway) to right “unfortunate events!”

The repairman asked me to step outside and take a look at what caused the door to leave the track in the first place.  A garden tool apparently shifted and wedged between the wall and track, slightly bending the track.  This led to several of the wheels on that side leaving the track as the door automatically reversed on meeting with an obstruction.  He bent the track back into place and then suggested I better arrange tools in that corner, and purchase and apply chain and gear lubricant for smoother, quieter operation in the future.  So how does this incident relate?  Well, life sometimes jumps the track – veers slightly off course when we least expect it.  Often we overlook potential obstacles, like the hoe in the garage.  God revealed I had a “tool” – a gift (as a peacemaker, relationship builder) that potentially could cause problems if not balanced (like the hoe in the corner that tipped and became an obstruction).  I tend to dive into relationship building and facilitating healthy communication to such an extent that I cease resting, hearing God, obeying.  I’m learning that the desire for harmony, for fixing as soon as possible any rifts, for coordinating blessed gatherings of those I love, can potentially obstruct fellowship with God if I don’t prioritize hearing before acting.   There is a proper use and place for every tool (gift)!!  Thank You, Lord, for providing needed balance.  As far as the well oiled track, the Holy Spirit must lubricate our every move to ensure smooth, quiet operation that blesses all and glorifies God.

Friday night I battled obsessive planning all night, trying desperately to sleep with a head full of ideas on how to bless the ones I love.  I sensed the unrest in me and told God I felt like a rotisserie chicken, turning continually in my bed, searching for peaceful slumber.  He talked to me, even in my restlessness, but then this morning He truly got my attention and got me back on track.  Thank You, Jesus!!  And, thank you, Vincent Carpenter, His faithful messenger, for delivering His word to me this morning. 

On track again in His Shadow,

Terry
Visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com for more inspirational reading!

Today's Gratitude List

1.   Ladybug on bended blade

2.   Shade

3.   Winter’s remnants crunching beneath sandaled feet

4.   Play of shadows

5.   Dappled sun

6.   Waves lapping

7.   Creak of cedar when spring blissfully sighs

8.   Fishermen swapping/topping stories

9.   Leaves astir

10. Boats slapping waves

11. Wakes foaming lacy

12. Diamonds cast upon waters

13. Ants, and a finger to flick them off!

14. When all gets still and time stops

15.  Locusts tuning up

16.  Chains clanking as Frisbee hits net

17.  Bugs crawling with tickly feet

18.  Hot pink toenails – season change

19.  Children on adventures

20.  Squirrel tiptoeing to treasure hid

21.  Trio of ducks bobbing

22.  Lake rippling – muscles defined

23.  Butterfly weaving gold and black

24.  The Cross

25.  My silhouette projected on journal page by evening sun

26.  Writing like breathing out of overflow

27.  Toad croak

28.  Sanctuary under trees

29.  Green – a million shades of eternal life

30.  Spider silk

31.  Muffled voices of God’s kids at play

32.  Guys who take Frisbee golf seriously

33.  Cawing, shiny iridescent black wings

34.  Searching, pecking, raising head to heaven for guidance

35.  Unscheduled hours

36.  Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips

37.  Christmas in spring, gifts surrounding every tree

38.  God resting me in His garden

39.  Going to the movies (“motion pictures”) with Him

40.  Squeals of delight

41.  Little boys in striped shirts running

42.  When night puts day to bed, kisses her forehead, and she smiles

       Crescent moon-like. 

 

Celebrating Life in the Shadow,

Terry

Visit Spiritual Sundays for more spiritual refreshment:

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i found who I AM looking for

Runaway Bride, Sitting On Baggage Beginning to Question God

I Peter 5:8 states, “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

I have spoken of my love for and ability to relate to Jesus as the Lion of Judah, the One who roars in my defense as well as in ferocious love to convict me of sin.  I am today comforted by both roars!!  There is also a counterfeit lion roaming the earth in search of victims.  His roar torments, terrifies, and continually accuses.  I suspect were we to be able to see him he might look something like the image below, hungry and viscious.   In actuality he is emaciated and dull of tooth.  His eyes are vacant, his “mane” nonexistent – a few wisps here and there.   His pathetic life shriveled inside and out for failure to see God for who He is, turning instead on Him and on himself in one swift motion.   Now he roams raging insatiably rabid.  Think Gollum.  Gollum trusted no one and destroyed himself because of it.  Gollum had not faith (trust)!

As one desiring to walk by faith and not sight, I begin to understand the dire importance of seeking the mind and heart of God – the viewpoint of God in every situation.  Heart tending boils down to actively seeking the mind and heart (thoughts/feelings) of God on past, present, and future events/matters.  I am going to cite a rather graphic example from this past week that you might grasp the seriousness of trusting God with your heart – with the healing and maintenance your heart needs.

I noted a pattern this week in terms of what tends to provoke me to irritation disproportionately.  Assigning a label may help:  when I or someone else is apparently taken advantage of a cascade of responses (reactions) immediately ensues inside me.  Many not pretty!!  Call it what you will:  coping mechanisms, justifiable ire…  In truth, the triggered emotions are but clues to life deep underground.  Both lions roar in hopes of gaining access to these deep places by invitation – into wounds, origins, strongholds, One to heal, the other to wreck havoc.  Thanks be to God, greater is He that is in me/us (to heal, integrate, make whole, SOZO – save) than he that is in the world.

Over the past year, God has taken a plow to the compacted ground of my heart breaking up multiple layers below apparently rich soil. I have invited Him to go for the “tap roots” and to visit every corner, nook, and cranny of my heart this “spring”.  He gardens and spring cleans and I stand amazed at all He unearths, equipping me at the same time to enter more fully into my destiny as a “Harvester.”   My name means harvester – my God-given identity!!  He has called me to the ministry of intercession (harvesting), and shown me that to intercede in the Spirit, clutter in my heart and mind must be dealt with so as to facilitate hearing the Spirit.  For the mind of the Spirit knows what to pray for self and others.

So, this week when I sensed familiar irritation, I asked Father to tell me what this was really all about, what I believed (erroneously).  He took me back to an experience years ago.  Without elaborating I will tell you it involved date rape by an employer.  At that time, I was neither naïve nor innocent.  Drawn to superficial “trappings,” (a man older than myself, with a sports car, from a foreign country) I foolishly played with fire and got burned.  Complicating matters, I told no one for years, feeling I got exactly what I deserved and best learn from the experience and not be so STUPID in the future.  I continued as an employee in this workplace for a while, steeling my heart, swallowing back the hurt of devaluation – of being taken advantage of by an older man in a position of authority.  For I couldn’t really call it that since I got into his car and sin on both sides took me farther than I ever wanted to go!!

Father then encouraged me to ask questions “out loud” that He unearthed, questions still there in the wound bed.  "Father, did you look on with disgust, with heartbreaking disappointment at Your daughter?  Though I didn’t know You then, Father, I’ve wondered did you have to turn away?  Was your back to me?  Were you there, or far removed?"  On asking these questions, God gave me a “picture” of Him in that very room, hanging bloodied on the cross, gazing down upon victim and victimizer, loving both equally, crying out to the Father.  “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do!”   I saw blood and water running down in torrents, completely covering the two of us, filling the room in fact, cleansing, and obliterating the shame.  Then I heard Father say, “Oh yes, I was there.  You felt unprotected, ‘deserving of what you got.’  I wept.  You believed I (with hardened heart) let play out what you deserved for inviting disaster, flirting with danger, that surely I looked away sickened and appalled, but, in truth, I looked on, and entered into the agony, and with agape took it upon Myself and died.  Never a regret, in fact joy set before Me in redeeming.  In years since, when this has caused you to stumble, Terry – to doubt I look upon you at all times with undying love, I’ve known there would come a day when You would see I AM (not just doctrinally comprehend Me).  I knew you would see I AM omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent to save, and a CONSTANT in life, I AM whom you’ve always dreamed of!!  EMMANUEL.

Unknowingly, I’ve long partnered with the counterfeit lion, inviting him to twist my view of God and self.  This has led subtly, almost imperceptibly, to attempts at pleasing God and efforts at building a sense of worth (and a lot of other things) because of lies rooted deep in the wound bed mentioned.  Doctrine is great, correct theology a must, but one cannot afford to neglect the wound bed(s)!!  Emotions often point to those areas where God has not yet received an invitation to plant forever the truth of who He really is.  This leaves us wanting.

I've posted a song by U-2 on www.worshipintheshadow.blogspot.com that speaks of not finding what (WHO) we’re looking for.  Both the lyric and video capture the search of the hungry heart – the heart that does not yet really know God for who He is.  The sin of satan repeats in every sin in one form or another.  Because, to know Him (to see I AM) is to trust and love Him.  Doctrine, religion, Christian disciplines, fellowship with other believers… will not fill us.  Only He can satisfy – and He longs to do so.  He knocks and waits for us to open the door of our hearts so He can come in and dine with us, and in the process reveal who He is progressively to our utter delight, putting to silence forever the devil in the dining room!!  I encourage you to get in touch with your own heart in the presence of God, to dine with Him and during your conversations not fear to ask any question that comes to mind.  Then, just listen.  He has wondrous things to say, timely, impacting to the core – transforming forever His children by His love.

Jesus Puts To Silence the devil in the Dining Room

Flying Free Bride

Filled to Overflow in the Shadow,

Terry (Harvester!!)

What is Sozo?

Sozo is a ministry of seeing people freed from the influence and control of the enemy.  This is accomplished through a prayer session with a facilitator under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit uncovers past and present lies that the enemy has caused the individual to believe (at least subconsciously) as well as points of entry or access. Points of entry tend to be past sin committed, sins against the individual, or wounding the individual has experienced causing present consequences. When the Sozo facilitator under the guidance of the Holy Spirit removes the ground for this access, the lies lose their ability to influence and control lives. Freedom then from ongoing unhealthy strongholds and issues can be released in the individual's life.


Please also see post on Heart Tending to apply these principles to tending your own heart!!

This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays:  www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com
See www.worshipintheshadow.blogspot.com for music video ("I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For") that accompanies this post.