Have you spent much time in a holding pattern? For the past couple of weeks I’ve lived in one. At times it has been exhilarating, at other times anxiety-producing. The pattern began in a hospital waiting room as I paced excitedly awaiting the birth of my first grandchild. He arrived by C-section, healthy and handsome, but required an ultrasound in his first weeks of life to rule out a dislocated hip. Yet another opportunity to study the geometric design of a waiting room floor and to follow the hands of a static clock hung between artwork selected to make waiting pleasant. Waiting, and then more waiting, before and after the test to obtain thankfully pleasing results. The next round in the holding pattern involved a second ultrasound, which of course included waiting on technicians to perform the procedure on my distressed grandson, and on the pediatrician to call with results. Again, thank You, Jesus, for pleasing results. I’ve been reminded that in many respects life slows to a crawl for a new parent (and a new grandparent, if she elects to come along for the ride of a lifetime). I’ve also learned God enjoys meeting in waiting rooms and holding patterns!! There He waits quietly to visit with His children about deeper matters. Sadly, we tend to drown out His still small voice in life’s waiting rooms with the noise of our internal grinding gears.
In The Message, Psalm 46:10 says, “Step out of the traffic! Take a long loving look at Me, your High God, above politics, above everything.” In the Amplified version it says, “Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!” God graciously helps us at times to step out of the stream of traffic to get a better look at Him! I’m thankful He does. Even though in places of waiting my first inclination is to whine, complain, and wage war with impatience. All waiting in the end boils down to waiting on the Lord. And we know the reward for waiting on Him is great. Isaiah 40:31 says, “But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.” Psalm 40:27-31 in the Message says, “Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or whine, Israel, saying, "God has lost track of me. He doesn't care what happens to me"? Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening? God doesn't come and go. God lasts. He's Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind.”
|Precious Apple Jax|
For nine months I waited eagerly to meet this precious little boy, Jaxon Charles. Everytime I sensed a threat to his or his mother’s well being, I fought hard the temptation to worry, and ultimately chose to be still and know God – to stand still and see His salvation. A Grammy for only three weeks, I begin to understand that grandparenting will involve much waiting on the Lord, while standing still so as to see Him save!! My education is underway. Some of my first lessons follow.
Postponement and reordering of tasks is routine with a new baby. His needs come first and only then can remaining time and energy be directed elsewhere. My daughter and baby Jax came over Monday of this week for a visit and to help me prepare a reception sampler of food for a friend who is getting married. I expected little help and wanted her to feel free to care for Jax and to rest herself as she gets little sleep at night these days. Like Mary, she chose the better part and yielded to her own need for rest and to baby Jax’s desire to be near her and nurse. She stretched out across my bed with him and soon fell asleep. Meanwhile I baked pie pops, cake balls, and rolled up pinwheel sandwiches. My mind flitted between lists of completed tasks and those yet uncompleted. Martha, troubled about many things, I bustled about the kitchen, wanting to hurry and THEN when through, to settle down to rest beside the two of them, if only figuratively!! My desire to bless spun out of control, motives began to twist and warp as I worked, and I grew anxious, competing with an unforgiving clock.
|How I Measure My Worth Influences How I Value Others!|
When my daughter woke, I invited her to run errands with me in the name of spending time together (efficiently killing two birds with one stone). She spent most of the remaining afternoon sitting in the back seat of a hot car with Jax, the air conditioner sucking down fuel (in her tank!) while I ran into various establishments to make purchases and conduct my business. At one point, Jax tired of being in his car seat wanted to be fed. I came out of Hobby Lobby after waiting in line for seemingly an eternity to find her feeding him. Making best use of time while parked, I ran in to the business next door to do some pricing for the reception aforementioned. To top it off, while driving back to my house, one of my out-of-state sisters called and due to our both being admittedly “too busy” to find another time soon to talk, we took the opportunity to catch up. Lord, and Charlcie, please forgive me for losing sight of priorities, for not focusing on the person(s) before me!!!
I woke the next morning -- waiting – for you see I’ve been in another holding pattern not yet explained, one I’ll detail perhaps in a future article. Safe to say, I opened my eyes to day twenty-one of waiting and to associated uncertainty. It dawned on me I had been running or busying myself much of my vacation to avoid getting still on God’s lap long enough to face head on this monster of uncertainty. A lot was mingled in with this compulsion to run into activity, including guilt, and the desire to be all things to all people to keep from facing fear and failure and the real me in the mirror. Thankfully, I broke at the feet of Jesus and He picked me up gently and rocked me upon His lap, comforting me while I cried and confessed all my insecurity to Him. He helped me to see for the umpteenth time how necessary letting go is to joy-filled survival!! And how blessed it is to be cleansed and forgiven!!!
This morning, I reread a quote scribbled on a receipt during a recent sermon, “Never clench your fists.” I seem to remember that the person in the story consciously kept his hands open at all times having heard from the Lord the admonition to never clench his fists. God has with the tenderness of a doting mother warned me to avoid the same. Not long ago a friend of mine related the story of her granddaughter’s birth. On hearing it, God immediately gripped my heart unforgettably applying the message to my life. On the heels of a healthy pregnancy, this young mother labored to deliver her precious little girl. As labor progressed, the baby who had the umbilical cord in her tiny hand clenched her fist tightly with each contraction, cutting off her supply of oxygen rich blood. Engaged and ready to be delivered into a new realm of life, this little girl responded to the pressure needed to expel her by exerting a force of her own, unknowingly endangering her life. Thankfully, she was speedily delivered and tragedy averted. God powerfully warned me through this story to let go (cease all attempts to control), for in doing so I would be brought through the dark and constricting birth canal (my dark night of the soul) into a new life of freedom unbound, unimaginable. I consider it no coincidence that at the same time I heard this story the main entrance to the hospital where I work was systematically being dismantled to prepare for the construction of an all new labor and delivery wing. Week after week I entered the building, observing the promise of a labor and delivery wing, and atop the building I glanced up to see “Providence,” emphasizing this all important key to Kingdom life.
You might think, as often I have, that having heard this from God I would from then on cease striving to control any and all circumstances. You would expect that I would rest in future pressure packed canals leading to new realms of life in God, knowing full well His power and promise to deliver. You would anticipate that having once been engaged in a dark canal of uncertainty awaiting birth and then emerging free, that I might resist the temptation now to clench my fists, instead relax and give way to the process of deliverance and provision for my life. Alas, I am still an infant learning through repeated rebirth, and will be until I die. This, too, takes patience!!
|Wonderful Mommy, Charlcie, and Sweet Baby Jax|
I’m thankful God has chosen to teach me so much through waiting, and through my precious daughter, Charlcie, and her sweet baby Apple Jax!!!
On a final note, I drove to my daughter’s home to lay out the presentation of reception food after pouring out my heart to God. He not only renewed my strength, but He sent me a token of His love while I unloaded the car. Into my steamy car flew an iridescent lime green dragonfly. I heard him buzzing before I spied what type of insect he was. Smiling, I cupped him in my hands and released him to the open air. Then I gave thanks to God who times His, “I love you’s” so perfectly!!! If you’ve read much on my blog, you know that dragonflies are God’s personal reminder to me of His love for me and presence with me!!
Waiting Expectantly In His Shadow,
For more inspirational reading please visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com
For more inspirational reading please visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com