Receiving the Kingdom Like An Infant

I am currently awkwardly bent over my precious new grandson, Jaxon Charles, pecking away with one hand my thoughts.  Beside me on a little polka dot velour blanket he lies, one tiny hand coiled about my index finger, his forearm cradled in my hand.  His breathing has turned peaceful, deep, quiet, with only an occasional sweet baby sigh signifying, “I feel comfortable and safe and now will rest.”  A breastfed baby, his little pink cheeks and lips with a million and one expressions are most at home when in contact with Mom’s warm chest.  For now, he single-mindedly desires to live united to his life-source and sustenance.

Supportive caregivers endeavor to teach him to receive from them love and nurture in varied forms, gaining sensitivity to his preferences.  Mutual education underway, an all new relationship begun, we set out on the adventure of getting to know one another.  He teaches even in his sleep, lips puckered in an involuntary kiss as he dreams of a warm flow of milk – filling, satisfying and comforting him.  Should he experience even a twinge of pain, only the breast provides needed reassurance he’s not alone but living in partnership, secure/loved.

I try my best to convey the same message.  Grammy speaks softly, cups velvet head and traces contours gentle and slow, exploring with time worn fingers and cheeks this wonder of a boy.  “Gentle and slow,” he seems to whisper repeatedly.  “Calm yourself, Grammy, slow down and savor the seconds, you know like Father, that I might perceive Him in you.  The peace of God – that is what I search for in your arms.”  “When I’m fretful, I need to sense you are un-phased, consistent, FAITHFUL, moved only by and in sync with Abba who comforts all.” 

I study his fretful moments closely and learn more about him and myself all at once.  Life easily disrupts our peace – the temperature of the room, sudden unforeseen movements, feeling there’s nothing to hold on to, hunger, need for cleansing…  Baby Jax rests best when holding my hand.  A manmade pacifier holds no candle to a finger to grasp!  He wants to wake to my being near him -- connected, to knowing Grammy watches over him while he sleeps.  With full tummy, he gives in to sleep when rocked to his favorite CD, Sing Over Me.  And when he sleeps in worship upon my chest, I worship with him, and God holds the two of us filling our hearts anew with His love.  A gratitude river swells and overflows the banks in my inmost being.  Meanwhile, the room glows with God’s presence.  Here, in this rocking chair, I know as a new Grammy the love of Father for generations!  I am so blessed!!!

I’ve noted in these first few days that Jax prefers to sleep in the valley between breasts, ear pressed to skin, listening to the rhythmic beat of home.  Surely he recalls the womb, where abiding he experienced unparalleled freedom in a constant embrace.  Flailing limbs terrify him now.  He wonders where the walls on life and the hands of Maker God are.  I place my hands often on his little back and pat rhythmically while God ministers to His little boy in this new realm.  Soon Jax will begin to understand God’s everlasting arms ever widen in an embrace to accommodate growing children.  He is there with us, Emmanuel, there in the valley resting us, soothing us with the affection of a Tender and Good Shepherd.  And He is suckling us at His own sweet breast – El Shaddai – God Almighty.

When Jax first wakes, hungry, he tends to cry out sensing momentary separation.  When put to the breast he gulps for fear there might be an end to the supply; voraciously he sometimes drinks to neglect of breath, until finally he relaxes, trusts, rests again to receive the flow of life that reminds him he belongs.  We’ve tossed around a phrase the past two weeks, “Eat, sleep, repeat!” and laughed.  In truth, the life of an infant depends on this routine.  Were we only as passionate as Jax in our pursuit of true satisfaction at God’s breast!!

Recently I learned Jesus spoke of an infant when He said, “Anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” (Luke 18:17).  This has fascinated me ever since, and I’ve determined to learn from baby Jax what it means to receive like an infant – helpless in every respect.  On the flip side I’ve also meditated on the delight of God in caring for infants while cradling my grandson!!  Pure joy!!

Thanking God in the Shadow,

Terry

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