Putting Up Easter

Jaxon's First Resurrection Basket

This morning I woke determined not to spend this gorgeous fall-feeling spring day before the computer gazing at Pinterest party ideas.  I must confess, having laughed at the notion but a few weeks ago, I am struggling with a party-planning obsession, pinning idea after idea to a cyber bulletin board.  Embarrassed, I must also admit “pinning” visually and emotionally gives me a euphoric rush, albeit temporary, and is my new feel-good and choice of escape.  Ugh – now that really is humbling.  OMNISCIENT DADDY understands, graciously convicts, forgives, and restores order to child who often can’t keep her balance in this world!!  FAITHFUL, He walks not only beside but inside steadying His children whether toddling anew, riding precariously without training wheels, or lumbering along cane clutched toward rim of gaping grave.

 

Homemade Resurrection Eggs

Now I sit on my porch, laptop warming thighs, writing -- not surfing (ha!), Heaven’s breeze carrying in her arms tangerine and white butterflies to share this new-life morning with me.  My heart fills!!  For several hours I have been putting away Easter.  When the storm blew in late Easter afternoon, like Dorothy in Kansas, I raced about the yard bringing under cover the day’s games and decorations.  With help of others, dishes were washed, and a few things put up where they belong.  Remnants remained however in virtually every room, begging to be put up, out of sight, until next year.

I began with the resurrection eggs which lay open, their contents spilled and jumbled.  Unfolding the little pieces of paper with Greatest Story of All, I sorted symbols and eggs and prepared to snap them shut until Easter 2013.  Like many other bloggers however, I just couldn’t bring myself two weeks after Easter Sunday to pack it all up without listening long to Risen Lord and His thoughts about empty tomb(s).  At this point in writing He brought to mind: “I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live. And love God, your God, listening obediently to him, firmly embracing him. Oh yes, he is life itself, a long life settled on the soil that God, your God, promised to give your ancestors, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” Deuteronomy 30:19-20

Egg Shell Tea Lights

So many thoughts have raced through my head this morning, I feel need to find the bottom line to determine my destination.  Yet God, like butterflies flitting about my yard, turning my head this way and that, assures me He will tie up neatly what He desires to say.  I invite you back to my kitchen table, where plastic eggs split open with good news like empty tombs.  There I snap pictures, and God informs me I am colorful egg of Easter, made to contain life – not simply a message written, read, symbolized, and shared, but LIVING WORD HIMSELF, EMPTINESS FILLING, LONELINESS OBLITERATING EMMANUEL!!!  I move next to discard broken shell tea lights dyed morning before Easter with natural juices and spices.  God prompts me to retrieve them from the trash and snap another picture.  Again He speaks truth over me.  Eggs must break, open, like closed doors on wombs and sealed tombs, to permit new life, and to form vessels to hold and emit EVERLASTING LIGHT.  How I delight in life-containing broken shells glowing radiant on table Earth.

We were made to want more!!

I tried hard over Easter to introduce especially to new generation THE FILLER OF ALL VOIDS, TOMB DEFEATER, JESUS.  Still just beginning to lay hold of the implications myself twenty-seven years post rebirth, I excitedly packed the day, planting seeds in object lessons, setting before wondering eyes the truth in living color, that we were meant for so much more; designed by LOVE as vessels for continual refilling.  I’d been thinking for some weeks about why we desire always more, and more, and more…  And I stumbled as if for first time upon INEXHAUSTIBLE FOUNT OF LIFE’S desire to perpetually fill us with the more and more and more we desire, FOREVER-MORE.  I of course had read and intellectually understood this, but in grappling with “management” of my own desires began to think long and hard about living with an undying appetite for more.  To think about the point of want, that is!

Tender and Nugget Celebrated Easter With Us

At times, living with want seems confusing business to say the least, a back-breaking burden of the curse relegated to life on this planet!!  After all, aren’t we supposed to mature and learn to be content (with less), to be satisfied with God alone??  Gluttony, greed, covetousness, adultery, all rise from a corrupt desire for more, right??  Logic would demand then that human beings nail unruly want to the cross – get rid of trouble-making desire at all costs, and bind and gag the deceitful heart from which it springs!! I’ve attempted to put a sock in the gaping mouth of my desires, and to cooperate with God in their refinement, putting off many until heaven.  Surely there desire will finally be perfectly managed, will neatly line up with God’s like good soldiers in His army, no longer marching to the beat of a different drummer.  What a relief heaven will be, no longer stuffing and stifling want.  Then I’ll physically be with LORD MY SHEPHERD, and shall “really” not want, right???  WAIT JUST A COTTON-PICKING MINUTE!!!  There is something missing in this view, I fear.

Night Before Easter Resurrection Garden with Sealed Tomb

God, GOOD GOD, made me to desire more.  My parents, Adam and Eve, wanted more while in their sinless state, pristine environment, and in rich fellowship with PERFECT GOD.  They wanted, and thus were tempted to want to be “like God.”  Note: they wanted to be like Him apparently over and above wanting Him, as lovers want and are satisfied in one another.  They had not yet learned how to REALLY LIVE WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL THING CALLED WANT, to trust GOOD GOD to make space in them for more of Himself through ever-increasing desire.  Our problem is not in wanting more, it is in accepting less.  We err in choosing not to wait (anticipate more than we could ask or think), and therefore miss the more of HIM we ache for!!!

Celebrating!!

Learning to be content has nothing to do with curbing want, rather it is the process of discovering the beauty and point of all want – embracing our form and function as GLORY vessels, more importantly wanting evermore DESIGNER ALL WISE, who longs to GIVE WITHOUT END.  To whom could He give Himself but to ones who want Him, who grow to trust more in their wanting, to mature in their joy-filled pre-climactic ache, to know more fully LOVE WILL COME AGAIN AND AGAIN TO FILL, ever expanding through want our hearts to hold even more.  What security He desires to give in context of want fulfilled, WHAT LOVE IS THIS, THIS ONE WHO WITH UNBROKEN CHAIN OF GENEROSITY LINKED US ETERNALLY TO HIMSELF??  He is RESURRECTION AND LIFE.  This day I choose LIFE to fill me!!  Thanks be to God for breaking off chains of lesser gods which offer at best temporal highs, for drawing me into Himself through want of more!!!!

 

Learning With Them To Want HIM More!!

Wanting Him More In the Shadow,

Terry




P.S. I recommend you listen to Earth Like Heaven, by Jonathan David Helser at http://www.aplacefortheheart.org/aplacefortheheart/Home.html.
And for more inspirational reading, visit Spiritual Sundays at  http://www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com/

Great Advice to Ponder

COPIED FROM ANN VOSKAMP'S BLOG:   http://www.aholyexperience.com/

A well-known pastor, he was was once asked what was his most profound regret in life?
“Being in a hurry.” That is what he said.
“Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I’ve ever gained from being in a hurry.”
“But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing.… Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away.”
In our rushing, bulls in china shops, we break our own lives.
Haste makes waste. The hurry makes us hurt.
Whatever the pace, time will keep it and there’s no outrunning it, only speeding it up and pounding the feet harder; the minutes pound faster too. Race for more and you’ll snag on time and leak empty. Hurry always empties a soul.
In a world with cows to buy and fields to see and work to do, in the beep and blink of the twenty-first century, with its “live in the moment” buzz phrase that none of the whirl-weary seem to know how to do, who actually knows how to take time and live with soul and body and God all in sync?
I think of this often, words of another woman seeking: “On every level of life, from housework to heights of prayer, in all judgment and efforts to get things done, hurry and impatience are sure marks of the amateur.”
Is this the secret that all the life experts know?
That in Christ, urgent means slow.
That in Christ, the most urgent necessitates a slow and steady reverence.
That in Christ, time is not running out. This day is not a sieve, losing time. In Christ, we fill – gaining time.
We stand on the brink of eternity.
So there is enough time.
Time to breathe deep and time to see real.
Time to laugh long, time to give God glory and rest deep and sing joy. And just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done.
There is time to grab the jacket off the hook and time to go out to all air and sky and green. And time to read and wonder and laugh with all of them in all this light.
All this time refracting in prism.
All this time that could refract in praise….”
::

~ excerpt of  One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

Drive With Me For A Day

Come along with me on a typical day’s drive with Jesus!!  WORSHIP!!!  Speak pictures, speak.
 

Welcome to My Sanctuary on Wheels

Over the River, Through the Woods -- Flow RIVER FLOW in me!!

Don't Overlook Gold in the Dust

Discovering  Boundaries Fallen to Me In Pleasant Places

Treasuring this Season's Gifts

Glory Curtain Rising on a New Day

Winter Revealing  My Many Nests

Honk If You Love Liberty

Notice the Platform for Feeding and Satisfying Thirst

Christ in the Crossing Guard

 

Spring Swallowing Winter

Pear Trees Drinking Deep Redemption Rain With Me!!

Open Beauty To His Appreciative Gaze

Just Take Mental Note

Keep Paying Attention

I am blessed to climb into a sanctuary on wheels five days a week.  From the rearview charms swing drawing my eye and heart upward where my help comes from – bells of my bell tower. They remind me to “Believe,” and call me to worship en route to patient homes.

Every picture represents a sermon.  Whether trees, vehicles, or costumed strangers, they faithfully deliver their divine messages as I drive in an attitude of worship.  I’ll only detail those requiring context: the statue of liberty, crossing guard, and garbage trucks.

Mid-February, some poor soul employed by an income tax service must don an aqua toga and wave an ignored sign, “Honk If You Love Liberty.”  This in all kinds of weather, the Waco wind whipping both garment and headpiece, adding to the pleasure of this busy street corner duty.  I wonder how conspicuously invisible this person feels??  I tried in vain to capture the sign mentioned, and must confess I resisted honking every morning for weeks on the way to work.  I did however meditate on my love of liberty – Christian liberty, that is, and the sacrifice TRUTH made to set men (me) free.  From my heart I repeatedly sounded the horn through that intersection in thanksgiving!!!  And I prayed for grace to pursue even greater liberty in the Lord.

Often I wonder on my way to the office if the crossing guard might be Jesus in disguise.  Oh, I know, he doesn’t fit the traditional image.  His facial expressions even look a bit stern.  No matter the weather, he always dresses for rain, long yellow coat, gray hoodie and gloves, hiding all but his serious face.  When not risking his life to prepare a safe path for leading school children, he may be seen instructing young parents at the crosswalk.  I strain to hear Him speak morning after morning and my heart burns within as He silently tells of His priorities, watching over His holy school zones through which only the foolish speed.  He was the first to warn, “Slow Down!  Take time to watch!  Listen!!  Welcome and guard those entrusted to you.  Follow Me!!”

It is probably obvious I pay more than casual attention to the vehicles around me.  This week on more than one occasion, I found myself bumper to bumper with a garbage truck.  In another instance two were coming head on down a neighborhood street, and following that experience, a parked truck was spied at a gas station where I pulled in for fuel.  Before noticing it, I swiped my debit card, and quickly ducked into my car while gas filled my tank.  Then, I saw it, a pristine white garbage truck from yet another angle right in front of me – parked without a driver in sight.

The first truck pictured happened to stop before me at a light.  On this particular morning I had the unfortunate privilege of serving as a sounding board to several people’s tirades.  The complaints did not directly pertain to me, rather I happened to be first available to diffuse their stress.  It dawned on me afterwards that I must choose what to do with this refuse.  I determined not to compact it on top of my own garbage (issues), to instead, like the truck in front of me, take it to the dump!!  By the time I saw half a dozen garbage trucks in a matter of days, I asked the Lord what more He had to say.  He indicated that on this gray and rainy day, He was inviting me to hop up in the cab of the empty truck with Him and once for all get rid of some obsolete philosophies, coping methods, and tattered garments.  He affirmed over and over how extraordinarily beautiful I am to Him, and I mean deep within where time doesn’t reach beautiful.  He made two glorious promises to me that afternoon while washing me in redemption rain!!

Remembering Him, I wrote this later that afternoon:  “I saw YOUR hands clapping in the trees reflected in sidewalk puddles.  I dared not disturb these holy pools, rather enthused and infused by You, I stepped carefully around them.  It was then I saw myself, the object of Your applause, in the pool with you, Your smile spreading blissful across my face.  I saw You in me, exquisite.  I’m getting it Lord, Your opinion of me, Your love and desire(s) for me.  Indeed, the way you move, I stand no chance.  Ah, with Beth Moore I say, “There is no high like Most High!!!”

Abiding In His Breath and Shadow,

Terry 
For more inspirational reading visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

Bunnies, Chicks, and Antiques: How Exciting Life Is!!

 

 

 

Visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com for more inspiration!

The Way You Move, Audrey Assad (Lyrics)

I know that the hardest
part of love is not the
things I have to give, no...

It's what I give up - I'm giving up ground - I'm
trading in my solitude for safety now. All my pride,
it doesn't stand a chance against the way you move.
You're tearing up roots & breaking down walls.
I don't stand a chance at all against the way you move.

You're like a lion - standing
in my house - and you're taking off the
doors on your way in ... I got nothing left
to hide behind. You're reading all my faith & all
my fear in my eyes...

All my pride, you know it doesn't
stand a chance against the way
you move - you're tearing up my
roots & breaking down
walls - and I don't stand a
chance at all against the way
you move... 

Rest: Dancing with God

Has the Lord ever instructed you while simultaneously moving powerfully inside you through a song?  I had this experience yesterday morning while driving to visit my first patient of the day.  Here are the lyrics to the song, Dance (I suggest you listen to it at right, as well):

I'm after your heart, why should I be still
When the worship starts Lord
I'm so in love with you
What can man do, can't hold me back anymore
You spin over me, and you are pleased when
I spend myself on you
I'm gonna let go now, really worship
Letting my dance come forth

Chorus:
Dance, dance
Let the Spirit move you
Dance, dance
Holy Spirit in you

He packed an amazing message on rest into this kinetic worship song as we danced down the highway together.  He demonstrated His definition of rest as a well-executed dance with Him.  The music played and energy surged, my spirit ecstatic while He spun and spoke.  Some dances are a graceful series of slow cheek-to-cheek movements, while others are double-time, and steaming hot in terms of the intimate connection between partners perfectly in sync, in love.  I’m learning to appreciate that rest has very little to do with the pace of life.  For several years I lived quietly with my children, educating them in the piney woods under swaying trees lakeside.  Picture with me relaxation to the max: a self-determined pace, hours in the Word, journaling, drawing, nature walks.  Slow dancing!!  Now fast forward, my children are grown, two have children of their own, and all of a sudden I’m invited to Tango with God, to foxtrot, to hustle, to twist – to quiver under His power and influence.  Oh to quiver, Spirit-infused and enthused to spend myself on Him.  I’m ready, Lord, to let my dance come forth.  Spirit MOVE ME, again and again and again.  Dance in me as you did yesterday morning.

Whirling in His Shadow,

Terry

For more inspirational reading please visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

Tickets, Tots, and Tantrums: Lessons on Rest

Sometimes lessons catch us by surprise making them particularly memorable.  Several have come my way unannounced the past few weeks.  One afternoon, distracted by the Bluetooth feature of my car, I failed to slow down quickly enough on entering a neighboring town.  Though I requested a warning, I received a hefty citation.  I shoved the little green slip of paper into my wallet none too happy, and then proceeded to my patient’s home.  An impish thought darted through my mind like a headline:  Nurse-Do-Good on Mission of Mercy Shown No Mercy by Small Town Authorities.  I hate to admit that this attitude persisted until I paid the fine and requested deferred adjudication.  Thus, for ninety days I must break no laws else both citations will go on my record and affect my insurance.  Two lessons, neatly wrapped in a green slip of paper like gifts from heaven, were delivered through this circumstance.  First of all, a reminder to SLOW DOWN – ninety days of enforced rest!!  I mentioned to God life is especially busy right now and He replied in a S*L*O*W Southern drawl for emphasis, “I know.”  He has promised to teach me to slow down even when life demands I hurry.  Generally, it takes thirty days to form a habit – I suppose God knows this habit will take ninety days to form!!!

Receiving from earthly authority all God desires to give, heads the outline of lesson two.  The Lord desired to give more than a warning against speeding, He had transformation in mind.  He knew exactly when to pull me over, and that I would feel irritated over not being given a break.  He knew I would argue in my heart that too much is expected of me – I’ll spare you the full blown version of this argument!!  He also knew that ultimately I would see this expensive interruption in the flow of my day as a divine favor.  Since that day, police car sightings occur routinely, reminding me of God’s word to me to slow my heart (and vehicle) down – to live life Spirit-paced rather than driven by all manner of motivations.  I’ve sensed a healthier rhythm to my days, more joy, and more peace.  He has also increased my capacity for offering comfort from a stilled heart prepared to listen.

My sweet little grandson scooted to the podium next to teach a few lessons on rest.  In recent weeks he has determined naps are for sissies, and bedtime a prime opportunity to practice asserting the will.  Sharp as a whip, he employs a foolproof tactic for postponing the inevitable:  spontaneous laughter, primarily aimed at Mom, who of course can’t help but respond uproariously.  Secretly he banks on convincing her that a child this happy could not possibly be tired.  Following the laugh-fest, Mom draws a warm bath and prepares him for the nightly ritual:  a calm soak, cuddle time in his ducky towel, a massage, and the donning of soft footy pajamas.  Most of the aforementioned takes place in his dimly lit room with lullabies playing in the background.  Not surprisingly, this worked like a charm a month ago.  Cradled in Mom’s arms he peacefully drifted off, without so much as a tear, traces of a milk mustache atop his blissful lips.  Now days, he arches into a perfect backbend, while inconsolably sobbing in protest, refusing comfort and sleep as though undergoing cruel and unusual punishment.  This difficult path to slumber betrays his unspoken thoughts:  “I don’t have time for rest; I’ve too many things to see and to do, too many things to learn.  I don’t want to miss out on life by closing my eyes, not even for a second.”  In essence, he has not learned to trust his schedule to Someone else!!

His cousin of nine has difficulty with this also.  Call it ADHD, for in part it is driven chemically, but primarily something in the realm of his desires compels him to live life in high gear.  You might call it the compulsion to pack as much sweet life into twenty-four hours as possible, or the fear of missing out especially on opportunity for experiencing relationship.  New to our family, he has worked tirelessly to forge relationships his young heart hopes will last.  He came to us through what likely seems to him the revolving door of the foster system – a door that at times admits you into people’s hearts or when least expected puts you out.  Never sure how long family life with this group of people will last, he goes for it with unbridled gusto.  I admire him!!  And I love him deeply, besides.  At times it seems he could throw a ball back and forth without end for the rest of his life.  Once a willing party engages in “catch,” he sees no reason to stop the game, even for some quiet adult time minus a sphere sailing through the air.  The other night after being asked several times to settle down, he was gently informed it was bedtime and after hugs all around, sent to a warm bed with creamy velvet covers.  Torture, pure torture!!  My son-in-law heard him first – whimpering, curled in a ball on the carpet, claiming, “I just CAN’T go to sleep.”  We all knew this boy with the infectious grin and hearty appetite for love could drop chin to chest in deep slumber in a matter of seconds in the backseat of a moving car.  Get him still, and the tired little body would quickly overthrow his busy mind. 

Decades older, and very fond of naps, massages and velvet covers, I still struggle with the same issues as my grandsons when it comes to submitting my longing heart and the scheduling of my days to God.  Sometimes I doubt He knows me well enough to call the shots, to fill my heart and day with all it’s meant to contain, no more and no less.  Often I question how I’m supposed to devote myself to investing in my sweet family, to writing, to leisure pursuits, to healthy eating habits and exercise when I’m “required” to put in so many hours on the job.  Then, only He can cradle my frantic heart, slow my pulse, and sing calming lullabies which usher in rest while in motion.  Like my grandsons buckled in the backseat, dreaming, while someone else takes the wheel.  He in fact does know that He formed me to be a reflective type, one who craves dream time, who deeply enjoys family interaction.  He knows my energy level and the changes advancing age hold for me in particular.  And He also knows the works He planned for me before I drew breath.  Can I trust Him with my life, relationships, time while on the earth??  I echo my grandson’s questions.

Finally, what on earth could tantrums have to say about rest?  Listen closely with me to the message whispered amid the chaos of tearful demands, flailing limbs, and emotions in 3-D.  What I truly desire often lies buried beneath my demand where only God can see it.  Think for a moment about the child at the checkout who seemingly only wants a package of gum.  Now ask yourself, will that package of gum satisfy once and for all her desire to obtain at will whatever she wants?  Might her parent do her a favor by denying her the pack of gum on occasion, giving her instead better gifts of self-control, delayed gratification, and power over selfish whim?  God has been revealing what lies beneath my frustration in a long term relationship.  He has used the inattention of the other party much like a nutcracker.  Up until this point, my hurt feelings seemed reasonable, justified, my unmet desire legitimate given our history.  However, at the proper time, Omniscient God applied steady loving pressure, cracking the hard shell to expose the heart wherein lay hidden a deeper desire.  This tender desire, to be enjoyed by another person for life, has not been dampened by repeated breakups in my youth, the death of my spouse, or changes in the relationship spoken of.  Instead, I’ve constructed a tough shell, a barbed wire fence to protect myself from disappointment – to wall off the desire, avoiding the risk of feeling used and rejected.  But the desire still escapes, like blood from a wound, soiling the nice white dressing, seemingly making a mess of things.

God is dismantling the fence, taking away with it fears I associate with being a seasonal need-meeter.  Don't get me wrong, many people care for me and participate in meeting my needs, often in a mutual experience of loving one another!!  And God knows I enjoy immensely addressing other people’s needs, feeling needed.  But, to be purely desired, enjoyed, cared for in the holiest sense, "husbanded," that is a separate desire altogether.  What does all this have to do with rest?  Well, when I heard my feelings spill from the cracked shell and over my lips in a full blown tantrum, when I said aloud, “I’m done pursuing” – God said in a whisper, “Good!  Now be still my love, REST, so I can begin to grant your true heart’s desire.  I have better gifts for you.  I will never use you to seasonally meet My needs.  See Me above and behind all who are over you, and all who may for a time "need" you exclusive of "wanting" simply to know you.   Rather, My love for you will compel the giving of yourself in service to others, in an incredible joint-venture and effort.  Rest!!   This meeting of your needs and desires is My business, not yours.  Trust Me in the context of this fading relationship to give you far better gifts than you can imagine!!”  I’ve quit kicking and screaming for "gum" and am pleased to report the conveyor belt steadily turns, loading my heart with benefits – peace, hope, healing, and REST.  And, I've come to understand that fear of being used has robbed me of being enjoyed to the fullest extent!!

 Enjoyed in His Shadow,

Terry
For more inspirational reading, please visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

Freed to Be Used

Acorn lesson number two came as a surprise.  Weeks before I had read about the acorn serving as a food source for both man and animal.  In fact, acorns were ground into meal and used in many dishes by early Americans providing needed sustenance.  Acorns must be rendered edible for man’s consumption.  The acorn’s tough shell houses the nut meat and a bitter substance called tannin.  This substance protects the nut, but must be leeched before grinding the nut meat into flour or meal.  Keep in mind tannin is used to tan hides – to turn soft skins into leather.

Given this information, I began to meditate on how this might apply to my life in terms of becoming a source of nourishment for others.  Up until this point, I had thought more about kingdom multiplication, lives being generated both biologically and spiritually through my life and my descendants' lives.  Now a new truth to chew on: God desires my life be made suitable for consumption by others.  With loving determination and at my invitation, God has purposed to leech from my heart every vestige of bitterness so that I might better participate with Him in sustaining life.  Scripture teaches, "To whom much is given, much is required."  In this busy season, I've needed to appreciate afresh God's fervent desire to match my life requirements by continually giving the more needed -- more freedom with more responsibility, more rest in the context of more work.  The Giver of every perfect gift, He lives to give!!

Aware of some bad attitudes with unidentified roots, I had been asking God to “free me up!”  Pleased to oblige, He unearthed a deep and gnarled root this week and began a cleansing, softening process.  Leeching involves a series of “washings” – water baths to draw out undesired sources of bitterness; pleasant bubble baths they are not!!  I have been washed in tubs of tears as God has led me to honestly confess deeply painful feelings, boiling them down to one to be reckoned with:  feeling used, not cared for.  Elaborating would not edify anyone, safe to say that God is at work following my admission, preparing me to be VOLUNTARILY CONSUMED – spent for His glory in the care of others.  I’ve wondered if in the process He might also be preparing me to trust, as a tiny child resting on His strong and mighty arm, and as a woman willing to risk sharing her beauty, free at last from the shell of self-protection, ground into fine nutritious meal at the cross.

Oh the beauty of self-forgetfulness!!

Nourished to Sustain Others,

Terry 
For more inspirational reading, please visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

Rest on the Nest

I have missed you, my imagined audience and dear reader of my heart.  Explaining my absence would take up time and ink, thus I’ll jump right in with today’s story.  This past fall while planning for my Thanksgiving table, I came across a large wooden acorn I couldn’t pass up.  Don’t ask me why it drew my eye, it simply did.  To this cute nut I added other oversized fall elements to include a fairytale pumpkin, velvet leaves, and richly colored flowers with fuzzy centers.  A woodland theme sprang to life throughout my home.  I planned all manner of “cutesy” food to make with my family in mind, including acorns made from donut holes.  It seemed acorns were leaping from store shelves into my basket throughout the holidays – ornaments for the tree, ingredients to bake and make acorn cookies, paper to make acorn shaped gift tags, etc.  I began to question if my attraction to (okay, obsession with) this capped little nut might be more than a passing fancy stirred by holiday marketers and Pinterest.  At that point, I decided to read about acorns, and to meditate on the spiritual implications of this symbol of multiplied-life packed tightly into a plain Jane brown seed.  I was hooked!!  God encouraged me to delve deep, to mine throughout the coming year all He had for me in this new symbol.  He gave me a couple of words and a phrase to focus on as well, to look to as new banners waving lovely in Spirit wind over my life.  The words: PEACE, HOPE, and the phrase REST ON THE NEST also dovetail with the symbol, though I only begin to understand how.

 Before joining in with my daughter, who jokingly commented the acorn fit a nut like me well as a symbol, track with me for a few paragraphs.  Excited by the truth that from my ordinary life God will generate a multitude of life-bearers, I took to the walls of my home and painted not one, but two family trees.  I don’t claim that the past couple of months have been spent engaging in Spirit-inspired decorating, but I have altered my surroundings, and incorporated God’s words to me to serve as reminders of the life-change and blessing He has in store for me, and those whose lives my life affects.  Last year the word was JOY, the symbol the dragonfly – oh and how He did bless me richly through both.  This year He adds to JOY, PEACE, and HOPE, and no doubt more than I begin to imagine or think through a humble member of His creation, the acorn.  I’m all ears!!!

Lesson one came early in the year with the death of one of my dear patients.  The following is an excerpt from a letter written to his family.  Names and a few details have been changed to protect privacy:

Kim,

About a week before David went home to be with Jesus, we observed from your kitchen window a storm rolling in, the sky turning deep blue in the distance.  In the foreground an assortment of birds scrambled at the feeder – doves, chickadees, sparrows for morsels of food.  They were so close I could have pet their feathered backs were panes of glass not between us.  I thought at the time about God caring for the birds through your family’s loving hands.  You as devoted caregivers taught me much!!  From this window we watched a lot of life during my biweekly visits:  plump rabbits, escapees from a neighbor’s hutch that for weeks ate your roses, a fat black cat lurking, hunting, and squirrels scampering about.  Here at your table we appreciated life, meanwhile on this side of the glass a dying man taught a multitude of lessons often without words as he sojourned home.  Primarily, he taught me to let go and trust, as he demonstrated giving up more and more of this life’s pleasures and freedoms:  independence, privacy, enjoyment of food and drink, restful sleep, a clear-thinking mind, mobility.  And he did so peacefully, calmly, not as one without hope or desire to live fully.

I left your house that day and, for a brief second, thought I heard the wind chimes on your front yard tree playing notes of a hymn.  I realized it was the bell tower of the church up the street chiming a familiar melody.  I rolled down my windows as I slowly made my way through town, trying to make the red lights (instead of the green), pausing to drink in the music and live fully in the moment, sensing the veil between earth and heaven fluttering in the January breeze.  I looked up the side streets and noted the trees lit white from the sun behind me – shining winter glorious against the navy sky.  I thought what a picture of David’s life deep in winter, shining bright against a dark backdrop, waiting patiently for new life spring.  I thought about the music of life and how I must pause more often to listen closely.

God informed me recently that I was to “rest on the nest(s).”  Long story short, He revealed that I not only was to figuratively rest on my own family nest, but that I had many nests to rest quietly upon in my spirit.  Your family, specifically David, represented one of my nests – a person taken into my heart to care for, pray for, nurture, warm, and wait on the Lord over, with trust and peace.  God prepared me for the day soon approaching when David would break free from his prison shell and take flight into the heavens.  There in your driveway the morning we all knew the time was near, I sobbed to think of you and your husband losing your son, to think of no longer coming week after week to the little home with the white picket fence and the wind chimes and birds, the pineapple cake, and the fish stories, and the family I’d come to love.  I grieved my loss and yours too, and then I gave thanks for all God had given me through a quiet soul named David, as I sought to care for and offer hope to him.

I learned in the course of caring for David what hospice means, and provides on all sides – and that it is what I’m made for, and have been groomed by God for in this season.  I embraced fully in my experience with your family joy and sorrow, gain and loss, bitter and sweet rolled into one by the Lord.  I learned to abide more deeply in Jesus and rest upon my nests through our weekly encounters!!

Nesting mama birds and acorns fallen to earth whisper softly, “Rest, wait yielded and still on God to generate life, both new and abundant.”  This flies in the face of culture that screams continually “Hurry up!  Scratch, claw, compete, control, fix, strive to produce the life you desire for yourself and others.”  I am determined to still and align my heart with God’s heart!!

I've been given many nests to rest upon!

Resting in His Shadow,

Terry
For more inspirational reading, please visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

Committed to Love

Recently, I sat down and thought long about my love for my children and asked God how I could better demonstrate it to them.  From that time with Him, I wrote the following, moreorless as a promise to keep and some guidelines for future communication:

I want my children to understand that my relationship with each of them is unique but equally special to me; that each is my personal favorite, celebrated daily in their uniqueness, valued, appreciated, adored!

I give my children freedom to be different, to relate to me differently, to challenge me, to have different requirements, needs, and preferences, and as individuals to dream their own dreams and choose different lifestyles.

I want it understood that no matter my child’s choices, performance, accomplishments, my love remains constant, only deepening day to day and year to year.  I want my children to feel secure in my love for them, safe in my acceptance of them, blessed in being a blessing to me.  I will do my best to foster this.

While I desire perfection, I will continually misrepresent God my Perfect Father, fail and disappoint my children.  I would like for this not to be misinterpreted as a lack of love on my part, and certainly not on His.  I would like my children to know I am but a toddler attempting to follow God in parenting and grandparenting.  I plead for grace and mercy in this.

I want to enter my children’s hearts and worlds to know them, but at times I will fail miserably.  I want them to know nonetheless that, under God, I cherish them above all else in this life and world.  I want them to know I am highly interested in them and cherish time spent with them.  I want them also to know I need them, but will endeavor in my need not to distract them unnecessarily or pull on them emotionally so as to interfere with investing in other relationships.

I want the next generation of my family to know how much I love them, more importantly to perceive God’s love through me.  I gladly choose to carve out time to nurture, support, and make fond memories corporately and individually with my family members.

I want it understood that at times circumstances will demand I focus on and attend to one particular child.  There will be seasons of devoting more time to one over another, and yet each in turn will be supported in crises and celebrated in victories to the best of my ability.  I am dust however and will make a mess of things not matter how hard I try or how sensitive I seek to be.  I plead for grace and forgiveness and promise to offer my children the same.  I am committed to making adjustments as life changes and whenever I realize I’m out of balance.  I welcome my family’s help in this.

I also am never enough, but I will seek to hear God and respond in my frailty with His strength to people’s needs around me, and trust Him in this rather than yielding to people-pleasing in order to feel liked/valued.  I need as much help with this as the next person and will strive to obtain and receive it.  I will grow and learn as a communicator and seek to humble myself and not be defensive or in other ways shut down communication.  I will apologize when wrong and seek reconciliation, no matter the cost.

I will use “I statements” in an unselfish way to reveal needs, hopes, desires, hurts for purposes of remaining intimately acquainted and connected to a few, most especially my family members.

I will use “You statements” to build up and not tear down.

I will back off and let the dust settle when I sense I’ve hurt or overstepped.  I will after a time however come near again and work on our relationship all my days, and no matter the ups and downs.

I will try to initiate reconciliation and when necessary agree to disagree, letting go of pride and anger for the higher good.  I will by God’s grace love well, remain open, and take risks to deepen bonds.

To the best of my ability, I will not sweep problems under the rug or allow resentment or bitterness to build or take root.  As soon as I realize I’m headed in this direction, I’ll seek God’s help to overcome and bring problems and feelings into the light.  I’ll not avoid healthy conflict resolution.  I’ll pursue love and thwart the enemy’s plans to divide.  I’ll identify and silence enemy lies with truth and good communication.

I’ll take risks and trust fallible people who love me to help me and care for me.

I will allow God to heal me of childhood issues and communicate when necessary to receive needed help.  For instance, I will admit, “This reminds me of a feeling I had often as a child of not being preferred, noticed, of interest, of being abandoned, of being expected to figure things out, of feeling stupid, unprotected, alone…  I’m therefore tending to overreact to the present situation and need help putting the past behind me.”  I will grow up into a deeper knowledge of Father God.

I will try my best not to manipulate, coerce, condemn, accuse, or in any way pressure or offend when I’m in need or hurting.  When I fail, I’ll quickly seek forgiveness and to right the wrong, strengthening my relationships and promoting healing and unity.

I will suggest what I believe will improve our relationship and open myself up to your suggestions.  I will own my feelings and practice “I statements” for the good of all.  Some examples to follow four pages of “I statements”!

• I need more face time/one-on-one time with you
• I want to plan a trip to ___ to spend time with ___ as a family if possible.
• I feel I’m having to compete for attention lately.  I know you love me and would want to know this.  I trust you will respond to my feelings and needs as best you know how and I will wait patiently on God to move and bring us closer.
• I’m feeling jealous and want freedom from it.  I need help with this please.
• I’m feeling lonely, left out, overlooked, sad, stressed out, depressed, etc.
• I just need to vent, need a hug, need my value affirmed, need prayer.  I do not need an answer or to be fixed.

I will express my heart honestly as best I can and even when misunderstood or disappointed will persevere in our relationship, doing my part to nurture it and grow in it.  I will love well.  For love never fails!!

By God’s grace I will keep this covenant with my God and my children,

Terry Anderson/Mom

11/12/11

Tell Me the Story, Pretty Please!!

Tell Me About Him, please!

Cheek to carpet, I faced my smiling grandson, arms waving excitedly, legs slicing air with rhythmic kicks.  Enthralled by a fabric block swinging overhead, he filled his lungs in preparation for utterance.  Over and over he repeated this routine, delighting in his newfound voice and ability to express sounds.  For days he heard, “Yeah, Apple Jax!!  You’ve learned a new trick.”  And seeing the corresponding smile on his Mom’s face, the face of God to him at this age, he “talked” on, discovering himself and the power to respond to and influence others. Encouraged, he spoke out his heart in new consonants, rather than cries of need. Like Jaxon, we all hunger for an approving parental gaze, for acknowledgement, encouragement, and for someone to narrate life so that we might comprehend God’s Story and respond appropriately.

Jax and Mommy the Narrator

Charlcie enjoys videoing Jax’s milestones, both those reached intentionally and accidentally.  In these videos you hear her, a faceless voice a few octaves higher than normal, narrating, telling the story as it unfolds to her baby son.  Dad puzzles over her narration, yet cannot deny the power of this teaching method for his son undeniably is learning to dialogue, to interact, before his eyes through these high pitched conversations reinforced by exaggerated facial expressions.  Little Jax is mirroring, parroting, mastering the art of storytelling himself as he tunes in to his life narrator.  (Check out my facebook page for most recent videos:  http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1166704144

I read a little about the role of a narrator this afternoon because this concept of a mother narrating life for her son fascinated me.  I learned that while every story has an Author, the Author may not always be the narrator.  The narrator helps the audience to comprehend the story the Author has written.  In fact, the act or process of telling the particulars of a story is referred to as narration.  The narrator paints a picture of the story being told expanding the imagination of the hearer.  "The role of the narrator influences the type of relationship we have not only with him or her but also with the story (Landy 75)."  http://www.essays.cc/free_essays/c2/xaj198.shtml

Oh the power that lies in narration.  What a mother says, the tone she chooses, the face she wears, and the life she lives while telling the story influence her child’s relationship not only to her, but to THE STORY.  I’m speaking of the power of testimony.  Bill Johnson defines testimony as … “the written or spoken record of anything God has done in history.”  He then goes on to say, “The testimonies of God are an invaluable inheritance because in each story of what God has done, there is a revelation of His nature.  But giving us a better theology is not the primary purpose of that revelation.  A revelation of God through a testimony is always an invitation to know God experientially in that revelation.” Taken from: Release the Power of Jesus, by Bill Johnson, pg. 35 and 36.

As a Mom forms in her child pleasurable associations with the narration or telling of anything God has done in history, whether yesterday or thousands of years ago, she invites her child into an experience of God as revealed in her testimony.  Sharing truth then facilitates the forming of a relationship, not the establishment of religion.  I’ve really been thinking about this in terms of how to pass on the joy found only in relationship with God as a parent/grandparent.  How does one begin in infancy to foster joy in relationships, and in association with the pursuit of truth and more importantly THE TRUTH HIMSELF, the Author of the story we live in as beloved characters, not puppets without purpose.

Visits with Aslan

By pleasurable associations, I’m not speaking of serving up Bible stories on a plate piled high with M&M’s.  Rather, that TRUTH itself is palatable to a child when delivered thoughtfully and in love, so that the child can relate to it (or should I say, to the One behind it).  For example, my daughter has a little stuffed lion that for some strange reason strongly appeals to Jax, her 3 month old baby boy.  In fact, he appears to have conversations with this smiling critter whenever Mom brings him into view on the play mat.  I’ve thought more than once that God is providing opportunities to put words into the lion’s mouth – narration opportunities to introduce the Lion of Judah, Aslan, and the Kingdom He rules.  Keeping it simple, playful, much like C.S. Lewis who masterfully paints for children a picture of God they can relate to.  I’m suggesting that we take any toy or interactive experience and ask the Holy Spirit for revelation into the life-giving narration of HIStory in the moment.  Afterall, it is Him we are introducing our child/grandchild to -- the One who will continue narrating life long after we are gone!!

If we really believe TRUTH is fun, and indeed it is, for TRUTH sets us free to be all we were made to be, then why not experiment with creatively attesting to the deeds of (and thus nature of) God consistently – through Spirit-inspired interactive play?!  Tune in for future ideas on incorporating testimony into playtime, for lessons in narrating HIStory for the blessing of the hearer, no matter his age.

Sharing testimony in His Shadow,

Terry (and my daughter, Charlcie)

For more inspirational reading visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com