Truth In Place of Lies

The following are a few truths God spoke to me when I needed most to hear them again from His lips:
* I love you, Terry.  My love is not performance based.  It never has been nor will be.
* I grieve when you struggle.  I long for you to draw near to me, to permit Me to comfort you like a mother her hurting child.
* My patience is infinite.  I also know end from beginning.  I complete what I begin in my sons and daughters.  I don't employ the methods of man, ie.,  emotional manipulation, control, blackmail.  My methods are love, peace, quiet wooing (not the "silent treatment"), allowing room for response from your heart, not robotic behavior which I of My own will generate.  I allow free will -- it is a mystery.  But in that space, I wait, ever hopeful, smiling -- secure in Our relationship.  I don't vacillate with your inconsistency. You do not have to play games, Terry, trying so hard to make up for failure in your strength, for it leads you to feel I'm impossible to please, a tough taskmaster.  This is so far from the truth.  I'm PERFECT PAPA, remember!!

Enjoying Truth in the Shadow,

Terry

Announcing Worship In The Shadow

Please visit www.worshipintheshadow.blogspot.com, companion blog to Safe In The Shadow.  Worship videos associated with recent posts will remain on this site.  Otherwise, my plan is to eventually link older posts with accompanying videos on Worship in The Shadow.  You may also want to visit on occasion to connect with God purely through music, rather than spending time reading, in which case Worship In The Shadow is the place to be!!  Your patience with "construction" is appreciated as are your comments.

Easter From His Perspective

It just now occurred to me my thighs are taut as a bowstring because of a little experiment I engaged in last night.  Inspired by a story recounted by Ann Voskamp, in One Thousand Gifts, I took a tour of my home on bended knee!!  I’ll preface telling you about my tour by first telling you about Ann’s story.  Her three year old asked to borrow her camera one day and happily skipped through the house laughing and snapping one picture after another.  Delighted, she returned to her Mom and said, “Can you show them back to me now?”  Her enchanting photos took Ann by surprise.  Everyday objects looked larger than life from her daughter’s vantage point. 

Glory Shine

Open My Eyes, Lord!

                    

Be Thou My Vision

This week I purposed to gain afresh God’s perspective on Easter.  While doing so, I realized that typically I seek His view “from above”.  I want to soar on wings like eagles, looking below to gain “big picture” understanding.  This seems to me the place of victorious living.  God on the other hand often desires to bless me with the view of a little child looking up!!  He understands awe-struck wonder (or tired indifference) depends largely on vantage point.  For this reason and to illustrate His point, God prompted me to bend low, camera to eye, snapping from new-fangled angles common objects and scenes in my home.   After doing so, He gently pulled me up into His great lap and offered to “show them back to me!!”  Some of the literal images are sprinkled throughout this post.  God built on this experience in a variety of ways, reinforcing that I need only to look up and receive with open hands all He has to give to me.  I need not worry about controlling anything in life, about understanding life’s complexities, for clutching reins or purse strings prohibits opening receptive hands to His gracious supply of all I need

.

Eyes of a Child

He is The Door

In retrospect, God packed the week leading up to Easter with lessons on perspective and vantage point.  He spoke to me as I watched two birds flying like friends side by side over green and amber fields.  He spoke and I heard, “Peace, be still,” through the picture He gave of the two of Us scouting (employment) fields for Us to harvest together.  He spoke to me concerning His mercy that endures forever, stooping to save and to serve.  His mercy in stark contrast to my not-so-merciful heart attitude, helped me bow lower to wait upon patients summoning me to their bedside repeatedly, affording me opportunity to exude His mercy.  And when I failed, His mercy covered me over and over and over.

Late this afternoon while driving on the access in a busy section of road under construction, I scanned for the entrance ramp to I-35 North.  I happened to look to my right and noticed three occupied crosses and a woman in biblical dress looking up in an attitude of worship.  I did a double-take as I drove past at 40 mph, wondering if these were mannequins or actors.  To come upon this scene staged on a major 21^st century highway in the blazing sun got my attention.  So much so, that I looped back around as soon as I could for another look (and perhaps a picture).  Just as I drew near the men climbed down from their crosses and put on contemporary clothing.  Several thoughts ran through my mind:  my Lord timed my passage this afternoon that I might “see Him” from this vantage point – dying for all the world to know His love for them.  At the same time I thought about the traffic moving swiftly by, and about the fact that Jesus no longer hangs upon a cross, but still offers life there to all who take up their cross and follow Him.

Candle in the Snow

All in all, I believe God granted me “His perspective” this Good Friday on dying in order to truly love and live, on bending low to see great and mighty things.  Lord, bless me with the eyes of a child looking up in wonder, for to such the kingdom belongs!!  

  

Eyes Raised in the Shadow,

Terry

For more inspirational reading visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

GOOD Friday

To See Him Is To Love Him

Good Friday for me began with a bridal shower.  My daughter and I attended together and afterwards ran a couple of errands.  Then we went to an interactive prayer room where we visited the stations of the cross.  Stepping into the darkened building on a sun drenched day dilated my heart immediately.  From the Garden of Gethsemane I traveled a dusty path to a tight room filled with the voices of a throng gone mad, “Crucify Him!!”  The same message, hatefully etched blood red on a ragged piece of cardboard hung on the wall.   It was difficult to breathe as I imagined the crowd pressing in like a pack of pit bulls, bloodthirsty.  Then as directed, I listened and in and among the crowd I heard my own voice.  Sobered, I moved on and contemplated Jesus’ appearance before Pilate.  With every step toward the cross, I heard Jesus say resolutely, “Thy will be done, Father!!”  Only a few of the horrors He endured were depicted in words and symbols on the walls leading to the next station.  At this point my eyes painfully viewed the passion on screen, my Perfect Lord tortured mercilessly beyond recognition and then nailed to a blood-soaked cross.  Tears began to flow!!  To the left of this station a tangle of chicken wire hung from ceiling to floor, as though writhing in agony, mangled and twisted tendrils laying razor sharp upon the floor.  I meditated on a few of man’s sins scrawled in red and affixed to this vivid reminder of God’s mercy in delivering men from all that entangles, ensnares, and destroys him.  Moving again to my left I entered a candlelit room through a torn veil, the way opened for me to experience intimate communion with my Lord.  I took the cup and the bread and sat down at the foot of the cross.  Then I looked through the “torn veil” to my right and saw the tangle of wire framed like a bittersweet memory in the opening.  An indescribable wave of love and gratitude came over me.  Thank You, Sweet, Sweet Jesus, for the cross!!!!!

What a Joy to Be His!!

My daughter and I both left the building tears drying salty upon our cheeks in the afternoon sun.  Twenty minutes in a darkened room, the love of our Savior wrapped tight about us, we departed blissfully engaged brides, showered with grace by the One come to save us!!

Blessed In the Shadow of the Cross,

Terry




For more inspirational reading, visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

Finishing Well!!

If you interviewed my three children, they probably would report hearing me say repeatedly, “Finish well!” or “Stay the course.”  Over the years the phrase has taken different forms:  “I’m so proud of you for finishing well!” or “I encourage you to finish well what you’ve started.”  Somehow this commendation often finds its way into my conversations.  The phrase literally wells up in me.  I tend to believe the Spirit whispers it, for the Lord deeply desires to reward and bless His children now and forever.  While His love flows free and continuous no matter behavior, His rewards express pride in our obedience and gratitude for returned love.   Obedience unleashes heaven on earth, His life, HIS JOY TO US AND OTHERS in the process, now and throughout eternity!!

This morning I heard the commendation both within and from the pulpit, “Finish well!”  “Stay on track.”  Immediately a recent event came to mind.  One night as I hurriedly prepared to leave for work, I responded to my son’s summons to the garage, “Mom, come look at this!”  He explained that he had pulled into the driveway as usual, pushed the automatic garage door opener and watched as the door jumped off the track.  I gazed in disappointment at the door hanging crooked by a few wheels knowing a call to Overhead Door was in order.  I could have done without the unforeseen expense, but suspected God probably had a lesson hidden in it.  As a wise investor, He never misses opportunities to capitalize on what little we spend (and it’s all His anyway) to right “unfortunate events!”

The repairman asked me to step outside and take a look at what caused the door to leave the track in the first place.  A garden tool apparently shifted and wedged between the wall and track, slightly bending the track.  This led to several of the wheels on that side leaving the track as the door automatically reversed on meeting with an obstruction.  He bent the track back into place and then suggested I better arrange tools in that corner, and purchase and apply chain and gear lubricant for smoother, quieter operation in the future.  So how does this incident relate?  Well, life sometimes jumps the track – veers slightly off course when we least expect it.  Often we overlook potential obstacles, like the hoe in the garage.  God revealed I had a “tool” – a gift (as a peacemaker, relationship builder) that potentially could cause problems if not balanced (like the hoe in the corner that tipped and became an obstruction).  I tend to dive into relationship building and facilitating healthy communication to such an extent that I cease resting, hearing God, obeying.  I’m learning that the desire for harmony, for fixing as soon as possible any rifts, for coordinating blessed gatherings of those I love, can potentially obstruct fellowship with God if I don’t prioritize hearing before acting.   There is a proper use and place for every tool (gift)!!  Thank You, Lord, for providing needed balance.  As far as the well oiled track, the Holy Spirit must lubricate our every move to ensure smooth, quiet operation that blesses all and glorifies God.

Friday night I battled obsessive planning all night, trying desperately to sleep with a head full of ideas on how to bless the ones I love.  I sensed the unrest in me and told God I felt like a rotisserie chicken, turning continually in my bed, searching for peaceful slumber.  He talked to me, even in my restlessness, but then this morning He truly got my attention and got me back on track.  Thank You, Jesus!!  And, thank you, Vincent Carpenter, His faithful messenger, for delivering His word to me this morning. 

On track again in His Shadow,

Terry
Visit Spiritual Sundays at www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com for more inspirational reading!

Today's Gratitude List

1.   Ladybug on bended blade

2.   Shade

3.   Winter’s remnants crunching beneath sandaled feet

4.   Play of shadows

5.   Dappled sun

6.   Waves lapping

7.   Creak of cedar when spring blissfully sighs

8.   Fishermen swapping/topping stories

9.   Leaves astir

10. Boats slapping waves

11. Wakes foaming lacy

12. Diamonds cast upon waters

13. Ants, and a finger to flick them off!

14. When all gets still and time stops

15.  Locusts tuning up

16.  Chains clanking as Frisbee hits net

17.  Bugs crawling with tickly feet

18.  Hot pink toenails – season change

19.  Children on adventures

20.  Squirrel tiptoeing to treasure hid

21.  Trio of ducks bobbing

22.  Lake rippling – muscles defined

23.  Butterfly weaving gold and black

24.  The Cross

25.  My silhouette projected on journal page by evening sun

26.  Writing like breathing out of overflow

27.  Toad croak

28.  Sanctuary under trees

29.  Green – a million shades of eternal life

30.  Spider silk

31.  Muffled voices of God’s kids at play

32.  Guys who take Frisbee golf seriously

33.  Cawing, shiny iridescent black wings

34.  Searching, pecking, raising head to heaven for guidance

35.  Unscheduled hours

36.  Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips

37.  Christmas in spring, gifts surrounding every tree

38.  God resting me in His garden

39.  Going to the movies (“motion pictures”) with Him

40.  Squeals of delight

41.  Little boys in striped shirts running

42.  When night puts day to bed, kisses her forehead, and she smiles

       Crescent moon-like. 

 

Celebrating Life in the Shadow,

Terry

Visit Spiritual Sundays for more spiritual refreshment:

www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

i found who I AM looking for

Runaway Bride, Sitting On Baggage Beginning to Question God

I Peter 5:8 states, “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

I have spoken of my love for and ability to relate to Jesus as the Lion of Judah, the One who roars in my defense as well as in ferocious love to convict me of sin.  I am today comforted by both roars!!  There is also a counterfeit lion roaming the earth in search of victims.  His roar torments, terrifies, and continually accuses.  I suspect were we to be able to see him he might look something like the image below, hungry and viscious.   In actuality he is emaciated and dull of tooth.  His eyes are vacant, his “mane” nonexistent – a few wisps here and there.   His pathetic life shriveled inside and out for failure to see God for who He is, turning instead on Him and on himself in one swift motion.   Now he roams raging insatiably rabid.  Think Gollum.  Gollum trusted no one and destroyed himself because of it.  Gollum had not faith (trust)!

As one desiring to walk by faith and not sight, I begin to understand the dire importance of seeking the mind and heart of God – the viewpoint of God in every situation.  Heart tending boils down to actively seeking the mind and heart (thoughts/feelings) of God on past, present, and future events/matters.  I am going to cite a rather graphic example from this past week that you might grasp the seriousness of trusting God with your heart – with the healing and maintenance your heart needs.

I noted a pattern this week in terms of what tends to provoke me to irritation disproportionately.  Assigning a label may help:  when I or someone else is apparently taken advantage of a cascade of responses (reactions) immediately ensues inside me.  Many not pretty!!  Call it what you will:  coping mechanisms, justifiable ire…  In truth, the triggered emotions are but clues to life deep underground.  Both lions roar in hopes of gaining access to these deep places by invitation – into wounds, origins, strongholds, One to heal, the other to wreck havoc.  Thanks be to God, greater is He that is in me/us (to heal, integrate, make whole, SOZO – save) than he that is in the world.

Over the past year, God has taken a plow to the compacted ground of my heart breaking up multiple layers below apparently rich soil. I have invited Him to go for the “tap roots” and to visit every corner, nook, and cranny of my heart this “spring”.  He gardens and spring cleans and I stand amazed at all He unearths, equipping me at the same time to enter more fully into my destiny as a “Harvester.”   My name means harvester – my God-given identity!!  He has called me to the ministry of intercession (harvesting), and shown me that to intercede in the Spirit, clutter in my heart and mind must be dealt with so as to facilitate hearing the Spirit.  For the mind of the Spirit knows what to pray for self and others.

So, this week when I sensed familiar irritation, I asked Father to tell me what this was really all about, what I believed (erroneously).  He took me back to an experience years ago.  Without elaborating I will tell you it involved date rape by an employer.  At that time, I was neither naïve nor innocent.  Drawn to superficial “trappings,” (a man older than myself, with a sports car, from a foreign country) I foolishly played with fire and got burned.  Complicating matters, I told no one for years, feeling I got exactly what I deserved and best learn from the experience and not be so STUPID in the future.  I continued as an employee in this workplace for a while, steeling my heart, swallowing back the hurt of devaluation – of being taken advantage of by an older man in a position of authority.  For I couldn’t really call it that since I got into his car and sin on both sides took me farther than I ever wanted to go!!

Father then encouraged me to ask questions “out loud” that He unearthed, questions still there in the wound bed.  "Father, did you look on with disgust, with heartbreaking disappointment at Your daughter?  Though I didn’t know You then, Father, I’ve wondered did you have to turn away?  Was your back to me?  Were you there, or far removed?"  On asking these questions, God gave me a “picture” of Him in that very room, hanging bloodied on the cross, gazing down upon victim and victimizer, loving both equally, crying out to the Father.  “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do!”   I saw blood and water running down in torrents, completely covering the two of us, filling the room in fact, cleansing, and obliterating the shame.  Then I heard Father say, “Oh yes, I was there.  You felt unprotected, ‘deserving of what you got.’  I wept.  You believed I (with hardened heart) let play out what you deserved for inviting disaster, flirting with danger, that surely I looked away sickened and appalled, but, in truth, I looked on, and entered into the agony, and with agape took it upon Myself and died.  Never a regret, in fact joy set before Me in redeeming.  In years since, when this has caused you to stumble, Terry – to doubt I look upon you at all times with undying love, I’ve known there would come a day when You would see I AM (not just doctrinally comprehend Me).  I knew you would see I AM omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent to save, and a CONSTANT in life, I AM whom you’ve always dreamed of!!  EMMANUEL.

Unknowingly, I’ve long partnered with the counterfeit lion, inviting him to twist my view of God and self.  This has led subtly, almost imperceptibly, to attempts at pleasing God and efforts at building a sense of worth (and a lot of other things) because of lies rooted deep in the wound bed mentioned.  Doctrine is great, correct theology a must, but one cannot afford to neglect the wound bed(s)!!  Emotions often point to those areas where God has not yet received an invitation to plant forever the truth of who He really is.  This leaves us wanting.

I've posted a song by U-2 on www.worshipintheshadow.blogspot.com that speaks of not finding what (WHO) we’re looking for.  Both the lyric and video capture the search of the hungry heart – the heart that does not yet really know God for who He is.  The sin of satan repeats in every sin in one form or another.  Because, to know Him (to see I AM) is to trust and love Him.  Doctrine, religion, Christian disciplines, fellowship with other believers… will not fill us.  Only He can satisfy – and He longs to do so.  He knocks and waits for us to open the door of our hearts so He can come in and dine with us, and in the process reveal who He is progressively to our utter delight, putting to silence forever the devil in the dining room!!  I encourage you to get in touch with your own heart in the presence of God, to dine with Him and during your conversations not fear to ask any question that comes to mind.  Then, just listen.  He has wondrous things to say, timely, impacting to the core – transforming forever His children by His love.

Jesus Puts To Silence the devil in the Dining Room

Flying Free Bride

Filled to Overflow in the Shadow,

Terry (Harvester!!)

What is Sozo?

Sozo is a ministry of seeing people freed from the influence and control of the enemy.  This is accomplished through a prayer session with a facilitator under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit uncovers past and present lies that the enemy has caused the individual to believe (at least subconsciously) as well as points of entry or access. Points of entry tend to be past sin committed, sins against the individual, or wounding the individual has experienced causing present consequences. When the Sozo facilitator under the guidance of the Holy Spirit removes the ground for this access, the lies lose their ability to influence and control lives. Freedom then from ongoing unhealthy strongholds and issues can be released in the individual's life.


Please also see post on Heart Tending to apply these principles to tending your own heart!!

This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays:  www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com
See www.worshipintheshadow.blogspot.com for music video ("I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For") that accompanies this post.

Tending Your Heart

Allow the Holy Spirit to Examine Your Heart

I mentioned in my last post that I would put up the Guidelines for Heart Tending I received following SOZO ministry.  I have also in another post given some basic information concerning SOZO for those who desire to know more.  Here are the guidelines:

Tending Your Heart – as a lifestyle!

“Watch over (guard) your heart with all diligence for out of it flow the springs of life.”  (Proverbs 4:23)

To walk in your healing, be attentive to your heart.

Take note of:

Disappointment, discouragement, fear, loneliness, worry, anxiety, lust, anger, hatred, or anything that moves you out of peace and rest throughout the day.

If we do not fill that place with Jesus we invite attack (Matt. 12:43-45) and we will fill our hearts with something else.

“Do not let your heart be troubled” (Amplified: ‘distressed’, ‘agitated’) (Jn. 14:1).  We can choose!

When we are moved from that place of security and rest, get into the presence of God, open your mind and heart to Him and ask:

            “Father what is this really about?  Listen and don’t discount what you receive.

           

“What am I believing here?

Stay with Him in that place.  Ask Him to speak to you about that place.

Recognize – admit and own the lie(s).

Renounce the lie(s) (loudly enough to hear yourself) and break off any ‘agreements’ with the enemy.

Repent for accommodating the lie and partnering with the enemy.

Ask forgiveness for how you have responded to your wound by self-protection, denial, self-comfort, etc…

Forgive and bless others where necessary.  Perhaps renounce the lie that God is the same way.

Receive!!  Ask what Father has for you in exchange.  Write it down.

Let it sink into and fill your heart.

Rejoice in what He has given you in exchange for the lie (loudly enough to hear yourself)!  Declare it over your life!  Thank Him and worship!

Healing in the Shadow,

Terry

Roar of My Defender

"For whom the Lord loves, He disciplines."  Hebrews 12:6

This week I happened to be reading in the book of Amos and his vision of the Lord immediately captured my attention. 

“This is his report of what he saw and heard:  The Lord roared – like a ferocious lion from His lair – from His Temple on Mount Zion.  And suddenly the lush pastures of Mount Carmel withered and dried, and all the shepherds mourned.” Amos 1:2b

Grieved by sin, including that of Judah and Israel, His chosen people, the Lord warned through Amos of impending doom.  Through Amos, the Lord said, “Of all the peoples of the earth, I have chosen you alone.  That is why I must punish you the more for all your sins.  For how can we walk together with your sins between us?  Would I be roaring as a lion unless I had a reason?”  Amos 3:2-3

Always first, the Lord warns through His prophets.  “The Lion has roared – tremble and fear…”  Amos 3:8a.  “Seek the Lord and live, or else He will sweep like fire through Israel and consume her…”  Amos 5:6a

I’ve always loved the image of God as the Lion of Judah, as Aslan in Narnia.  I’ve pictured Him in this way and derived comfort and a sense of being protected by His powerful but furry paws!!  As a matter of fact, the Lord recently reminded me of an experience I had as a young child.  I was in the bathroom of my home and in a very vulnerable position (you can guess) when I heard the roar of a lion.  I thought at first I had imagined it, but it terrified me nonetheless, and I’ve never forgotten the memory.  I asked the Lord when He brought this to my remembrance recently what it meant.  He, much like Aslan spoke to Lucy, said to me, “Terry, that was Me roaring over your life long before You knew Me!!”  I cannot tell you how this thrilled me.  To know that at a time when I felt afraid of most everything, including God (for I never felt I could keep myself in a state of being forgiven), He was there, my strong defender, roaring to hold back what would have otherwise destroyed me.

I have not associated a ferocious Lion roaring in response to His chosen one’s sin however until I read this passage in Amos.  As I read the sins enumerated in list after list by Amos, several hit me between the eyes, convicting me of my own sin.  I realized that I had judged a brother and spoken out of turn in a hurtful manner and needed to repent.  I heard the prophet’s warning loud and clear.  Tempted to feel guilty as in former days, to shy away from the fierce Lion, able to destroy me with His breath of fire, I trembled, then pressed my weeping face deep into His mane anyway!!  The Father has done such an incredible work in me of revealing His Abba heart for me His little girl, that I had no choice but to turn to Him in faith, and accept the forgiveness and restoration He offered.

His kindness (understood!) leads me to repentance

He spoke gently to me, “Terry, I desire for you to walk upright in your healing!  I am holy, and with the revelation of my tender heart there also comes a deeper revelation of my holiness.”  Fearing God and loving God simultaneously and continuously is honestly a new concept, better put way of life for me.  To fear Him without fear, by that I mean fear which causes me to distance and hide myself, to revere in a manner that causes drawing near to God to receive correction without shame, penance… – resuming intimate communion with Him even as He dries my tears, that is new.

He Makes All Things New -- Spring!!

From this point, I then entered into a time of “Tending My Heart” with God during which He revealed what led me into the sin confessed.  You see there was in me a “trigger,” if you will that He saw and desired to address.  He got below the hurtful action (sin) to the heart of me the sinner to do even more healing!!  He AMAZES me!!!  He showed me why the behavior of a fellow believer so irritated me, what in my background He desired access to in order to put truth in the place of a lie I had long believed.  Not only did He lovingly forgive me, but He continued to bless me with still more healing!!  So you see, an appreciation of His holiness, His being other than anyone else, led me not only to repentance, but into a greater experience of being loved and deeply cared for.

I plan to post the “Heart Tending” guidelines I received during SOZO so you too can apply the principles to tending your own heart with the Lord.  It will change your life forever I promise!!

In the Shadow of His Mane

Loving His Roar,

Terry

For more spiritual refreshment visit Spiritual Sundays at http://bloggerspirit.blogspot.com/ 

A Mighty Fortress Is Our God

A Mighty Fortress Is Our God, A Bulwark Never Failing

Lord, how I love You!  For you have done such tremendous things for me.

The Lord is my fort where I can enter and be safe; no one can follow me in and slay me.  He is a rugged mountain where I hide; He is my Savior, a rock where none can reach me, and a tower of safety.  He is my shield.  He is like the strong horn of a mighty fighting bull.  All I need to do is cry to Him – oh, praise the Lord—and I am saved from all my enemies!

Death bound me with chains, and the floods of ungodliness mounted a massive attack against me.  Trapped and helpless I struggled against the ropes that drew me on to death.

In my distress I screamed to the Lord for His help.  And He heard me from heaven,  my cry reached His ears.  Then the earth rocked and reeled, and mountains shook and trembled.  How they quaked!  For He was angry.  Fierce flames leaped from His mouth, setting fire to the earth; smoke blew from His nostrils.  He bent the heavens down and came to my defense, thick darkness was beneath His feet.  Mounted on the cherubim, He sped swiftly to my aid with the wings of wind.  He enshrouded Himself with darkness, veiling His approach with dense clouds dark as murky waters.  Suddenly the brilliance of His presence broke through the clouds with lightning and a mighty storm of hail…

He reached down from heaven and took me and drew me out of my great trials.  He rescued me from deep waters.  He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me – I who was helpless in their hands. 

On the day when I was weakest, they attacked.  But the Lord held me steady.  He led me to a place of safety, for He delights in me.  (Psalm 18:1-12, 16-19)

Safe in the Shadow of My Defender,

Terry
For more spiritual refreshment visit Spiritual Sundays at http://bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

Praising My Savior

My story and song, praising Him all day long.  Only a few things I enjoyed and thanked God for today:

* Morning kissing earth with rosey lips

* Mother bird nesting high in a barren tree –meditating on life below

* Highway shoulders wearing blue stoles and bonnets

* Buttercup faces just before bowing for the night to pray

* Pansies blowing me a kiss on the way into work

* Spring running barefoot in fields in a bright green dress

* Poems standing on street corners

* Slow gait of elderly people

* Art of a child

* Philosophy of a child

* Paint peeling on split railed fences

* Spotted horses, tails swishing, noses raised

Flying Into Spring

Giving Thanks in The Shadow,

 Terry

For more spiritual refreshment visit Spiritual Sundays @ http://www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

A Grateful Heart

So much to be thankful for:

* breath of God on a spring morning

* cat’s greeting and rubbing silky against me

   while I read the mail on the driveway

* new songs in my head when I wake

* images of God all around me

* a call FROM my daughter

* thoughts of my grandson in  the womb and

   the Spirit of God at work in him

* hot pasta and parmesan

* my son beside me, doing sit-ups and listening

   to me

* midweek day off

* the first of the knock-out roses unfurling

 Loving Life in the Shadow,

Terry

Providence in the Tent with Me

“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out!  Who has known the mind of the Lord?  Or who has been His counselor?  Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?  For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.  To Him be the glory forever!  Amen.”  Romans 11:33-36

The lessons I learned in surgery I learned in the coarse of scrubbing surgical sinks and mopping up blood and guts from operating room floors.  I learned them while pushing a stainless steel cart of cleaning supplies with a mind of its own, dressed in an absurd costume.   I strived for excellence in this position, hoping to hide my self-consciousness behind a surgical mask and a job well done.  Meanwhile, God worked.  He stripped me of a lot of false notions and masks typically worn by well-meaning, insecure persons.  Naked and vulnerable I lay upon the operating table, and God went to work on my beliefs and attitudes.  I learned I was to function out of His acceptance which had nothing in the world to do with my performance.  I learned race, socio-economic status, level of education, experience, age, appearance, mean nothing.  God revealed the level playing field I really live on.  How can one truly love in the absence of this revelation??  I learned prejudice and compassion are incompatible.  I learned beyond the limits of “my compassion,” there is genuine compassion flowing from the heart of God, and all men need it.

God cleansed me of much pain, pride, prejudice while cleaning surgical sinks

Similar to what we affectionately called "The Battle Cart"

I learned the simplest of people are often the kindest and wisest.  I came to appreciate that the work of housekeepers, garbage collectors, transporters, and other minimum wage workers keep hospitals in operation.  Ed, Gwen, Boomer, James (Hook), Josh, Leandra, and others were some of the best teachers and facilitators of the Kingdom of God advancing in my life.  While privileged to peer into the open chest of a man undergoing heart surgery, to witness a beating heart chemically and thermodynamically slowed to allow for a surgeon to repair it, I still consider my experience behind the mop to be of supreme value to me as a nurse.  I admit to often asking God, “Who am I, Lord, that I should be invited into such a holy place with You?”  That question still reverberates in my heart. 

I've Seen I AM and I begin to know who I am

Heart Surgery Continues in My Life

I’ll likely never forget the sound of bone being sawn in two or of metal joints hammered into place, nor the smell of cauterized flesh, blood, and cleansers used, nor the awesome sight of a human body laid open to view.  In fact, often I pinched myself – the experience for me that unbelievable.   Most assuredly the companionship of God known in this place where as a cleaning woman I stood upon a stool and looked inside a living being, where fears the size of mountains were surmounted changed my life forever.

I never told anyone in surgery that as a little girl often I played doctor under a makeshift tent in the neighbor’s yard or living room.  We stretched a blue ribbed spread over all available chairs or objects to create this medical facility.  Our Red Cross tent seemed to sprawl for miles, and under it I felt a child’s joy in saving others from the brink of death with a plastic stethoscope and thermometer.  Did I dream of being a doctor or nurse someday?  Not in the way some dream of the profession they desire to pursue, but I did dream of saving, educating, helping others, and felt valuable when pretending these roles.  Under that little corduroy tent I had the confidence of a super hero saving lives, the wisdom, compassion, and fortitude of Florence Nightingale sacrificing herself to help others.  Cooling the brow of siblings and friends in my make believe clinic filled me with a sense of mission.  Much like grading homemade worksheets and tests did when we played school.

Wish our tents had been so elaborate, but they felt like this!

Could have easily been some of my patients under the tent!

When it came to life outside this pretend medical world – to real life doctor visits – I was as yellow-bellied as a fuzzy spring chicken.  The sound of paper being rolled out on an exam table struck terror in me.  I knew, following that maneuver, I’d be hoisted up on that table, stripped, held down and examined, and most assuredly flipped like a pancake for a painful injection in the backside.  At the hint of alcohol in the air my legs turned purple; likely due to holding my breath or fear-induced tachycardia.  I suffered from frequent bouts of tonsillitis as a child and this routine was all too familiar to me.  There were a few pleasant associations however.  I recall paging through the worn blue pictorial Bible story book found in most pediatricians offices in that day.  As a Catholic I knew only that God existed and mysteriously and invisibly loved and cared for me.  But this book with its colorful illustrations, with Adam and Eve in a Garden, with a snake coiled around a tree, with an ark full of animals under a rainbow, with bearded men and women and children in strange clothes, and at the end a cross and a Man in shining garments with outstretched arms ascending into the sky – intrigued me.  It also momentarily distracted me from what lay ahead.  Providence sat with me in that waiting room, introducing Himself, if only into memory at the time.  Again, I see another glimpse of Him behind the scenes.

Oh to be sick, heaven and hell rolled into one – the best of times and the worst of times.  Lollipops and maybe another reward for bravery on the way home from the doctor’s office, the doting attention of Mom, special foods and drinks (served in bed!), entertainment to distract, time off from school all glorious.  However, shots or an upset stomach, or vainly imagining I might have small pox or some other dread disease, seemed constantly to threaten bliss.  I recall having a tonsillectomy at around five years of age.  It seemed to me it would take weeks to open all the presents.  Ice cream and balloons, being held and comforted, kissed – a dream come true.  Warped as it sounds, I both dreaded getting sick and loved it at the same time.  Perhaps that provides a clue into one of the redemptive facets of illness:  it positions us, often on our backs, to receive tender loving care.   In many cases, it forms the earliest memories of grace for us.  For at a time when most vulnerable, hair disheveled, breath in need of refreshing, we receive unconditional love, comfort, and healing from the hand of a caregiver.

Because in surgery very little interaction with patients occurs, I determined I might prefer to venture into bedside nursing.  There were of course a few memorable moments of patient care in surgery.  I remember a child brought back to surgery for either tubes to be placed in the ears or a tonsillectomy.  To lessen the trauma of entering this frightening theater, the child was permitted to cling to a much loved security blanket until under anesthesia.  Inadvertently the little blanket was discarded with surgical drapes into a biohazard box in the operating room and following surgery taken out to the dock to be loaded on a truck for permanent disposal.  An hour or so later the nurse in PACU realized the blanket had disappeared and alerted the housekeeping staff.  Several of us gowned and gloved and headed down to the large trailer three quarters full of biohazard boxes to look for a needle in a haystack.  Eventually the blanket and child were recovered, and in a small yet significant way care shown to the tiny patient.

I learned in surgery that apart from God I can do nothing (John 15:5).  Apart from Him I’m a frightened little girl running from her own shadow as fast and as far as her little legs will carry her to point of exhaustion.  With Him and through Him I can do all things.  In His shadow my own shadow disappears, and I’m safe.  The shadow of my shame no longer dogs my steps to taunt and haunt me.  Under the shadow of the Almighty I can scale walls, climb mountains, leap buildings in a single bound, soar on wings of eagles.  I am free, kind of like the little girl under the shadow of that blue tent, but now with the power and life of God in her to fulfill her co-mission.

Nursing in the Shadow,

Terry







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Amazing Grace

Do you ever let grace totally overwhelm you?  Today, I immersed myself in thinking about and singing about God’s grace.  Oh what JOY!!  There are a few worship videos at right on the subject that I hope will fill your hearts with the wonder of God’s grace!!  I’m dedicating my post tonight to Sherrie!!  I love you deeply, my friend!!!!
My Gratitude List for 3/24/11:

* a prophetic first-time visitor to Life Group

* anticipatory joy over a prodigal’s soon return

* praying believing

* diving into a Chipotle bowl at 9:45 pm

* God’s kindness which leads to repentance

* Chris McClarney’s worship music

* overcoming the enemy’s attempts at robbery

* leaning hard into Jesus to overcome

* friends comfortable with being themselves

* God’s unfailing, unchanging, unbelievable love

Hidden in the Shadow of His wings,

Terry

Today's Gratitude List

* Mom’s silver knot ring on my finger

* spinach salad, bed to fresh strawberries

   and walnuts

* midday nap

* dust, smudges, everything not in place:

   time off

* stirring Sunday sermon

* my front door teased by spring wind

* B&W family photos keeping vigil

* drifting in and out of dreams

* toasted cheese sandwich with champagne

   tomatoes

* faraway bark of neighborhood dog